


Rescue Me

by elsewherewolf



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: M/M, brief allusions to a suicide attempt, happy fluffy things too though, long chapters, small dollops of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2013-09-16
Packaged: 2017-12-26 05:57:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elsewherewolf/pseuds/elsewherewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-war, Herc is trying to find purpose in a seemingly empty life, while Raleigh has been waiting for far too long.  A story of a slow fall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. every storm must soon give way

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Not my universe, I'm just using it as my playground.  
> 2\. I think of all of this, the fight scenes were the most difficult to write because it's not what comes naturally to me. I hope they work, all the same. :)  
> 3\. Big Thanks to menel for the read-through, cheerleading, great advice and generally being quite awesome. ;) I hope I've managed to fix the little bugs.

It's kind of like living in a working museum, some days. While the powers that be have acknowledged that complacency is a dangerous thing, and the Shatterdome should remain like some silent sentinel standing watch, the rest of the world has moved into a new era. Rebuilding all that the Kaiju tore down, re-evaluating what's important, reconnecting with one another. Fresh hope for a better and more peaceful future, one no longer threatened by beasts from the deep.

Staffing is minimal, but when you have the best of the best, it isn't really an issue. And Herc has the best, in his opinion. Even if one of them has just apparently lost his mind.

"...nobody knows who the mystery man is, but sources tell us that war hero Raleigh Becket was not seen leaving the downtown hotel until the early hours of the morning."

Herc shuts off the tablet, grimacing.

"Kind of a shitstorm, huh?"

He stops pushing food around his plate and looks up, watching Tendo take the seat opposite.

"I wish I knew what that boy was thinking." Dropping his fork, Herc leans back in his seat. Christ, he never knew what his own son was thinking until they drifted together and by then there was little he could do about it. Not much he can do about Raleigh either, now. And he's had something like a bad taste in his mouth since he heard the news, something which isn't going away. "Trying to get PR to figure out a way to deal with this."

"What, we can't go with 'Raleigh's getting some action, good for him'?" Tendo asks, grinning.

"Sure, a one night stand will do wonders for his image." Herc swallows, patting Max who's sat beside him like he has been every day since Chuck left for the last time. Thinking of him brings up the inevitable feelings of loss and regret - that he didn't do more, say more. He should have had the chance to make things right, to know Chuck better, he should have-

"When was the last time you took some R & R, Marshall?" Tendo's watching him, and Herc wonders how long he'd been silent, or if he'd said something he shouldn't have. He zones out, sometimes, leaves himself behind because it's easier.

"I'm not exactly rushed off my feet here, am I?"

"Maybe not, but you should get away from this place for a while. It won't fall apart without you, the Kaiju are long gone if you hadn't heard. There's a whole world being rebuilt and you have an open invite to go see it just the same as Mako and Raleigh do. You know that, right? You don't have to go and cut some ribbon, but you should _see_ something other than these walls."

Herc manages a small smile, and shrugs one shoulder. "I feel connected, here."

Tendo sighs, but nods his agreement. "Raleigh and Mako are back tomorrow."

Herc looks properly at Tendo, at that. "Yeah." He isn't sure what it is, this feeling he gets in his gut any time anyone mentions them. Keeps telling himself it's that they came back and Chuck and Stacker didn't, and that even though he knew before he told his son goodbye that it would be for the last time, it still hurts like hell. 

Tendo looks like he's about to say something else, but seems to think better of it and starts making small talk about the food instead. 

"Do you think I should-"

"No." Tendo clears his throat, strokes the edge of his bowtie, and looks Herc right in the eye. "I don't think that'd be the best idea. That's all. Maybe you should spend the day downtown?"

Herc breaks the eye contact, his lip curling. "I'll be here, Choi. Welcoming the heroes home."

\+ + + + + + + 

In spite of what he told Tendo, Herc doesn't seek Raleigh and Mako out the following day. Mako finds him anyway, twisting her fingers in that nervous way she sometimes has about her while he tells her it's good to see her and he hopes she enjoyed Sydney.

She looks at him when he's done, quiet and perceptive. "You're angry."

"No. No, I'm... I'm okay. Tired, Miss Mori, that's all." It's the truth, really, he was up most of the night trying to contain Raleigh's indiscretion before it all got too out of hand. He's not sure he succeeded, but at least Raleigh's no longer in Sydney.

She gives the slightest nod of her head, and reaches to touch his arm. He looks down at her hand, not sure what to make of the gesture and having to fight the urge to shake her off - because where did that come from? 

"You couldn't stop him, Mako?"

"Stop Raleigh Becket? How?" She smiles, and looks over her shoulder just before Herc hears the footsteps. It's scary how in tune you become with the one you drift with, Herc thinks, watching Raleigh appear at the doorway.

"Come in," Herc says, trying to force his voice not to come out too clipped. Mako catches it anyway, and gives him a narrow glance before excusing herself.

"Close the door, Ranger."

Raleigh shares a look with Mako as she goes out that Herc can't decipher, but does as he's told. 

Herc stands behind his desk, arms folded over his chest, and waits until Raleigh finally gives in. 

"I thought I'd come say hi. You should have come." His expression is unreadable, and that only infuriates Herc more. "Marshall? I'm sorry I-"

"Don't. I don't want to hear the reasons. I just want you to listen to me for the next thirty seconds, okay?" Herc recalls Tendo's advice from the other day, but pushes on all the same. If he doesn't say anything, it's just going to eat at him until he explodes. "My son wasn't a hero at the end, he was a bloody sacrifice. He went down to the breach to die, same as I was meant to do, and we knew it was a suicide mission from the word go. We knew that. Nobody was supposed to come back from that, and that's not heroic, it's insane. Nobody was supposed to come back, but you and Mako made it and somehow _that's_ heroic, not insane. You tell them that the next time they ask."

Raleigh just stares at him, eyes cool and jaw set.

"Tell them that. Or did you come here to apologise about something else?"

"Sir."

"PR are dealing with it, but it could have been worse. What in the hell were you thinking? You knew that all eyes would be on you out there, and you pull a stunt like that? Why?"

"Pardon me Marshall, but nobody owns me." Raleigh takes a step forward, getting into Herc's space. "Do you think, honestly, that I give a crap what anyone thinks? Because I'm so past caring, I really am."

"You're a war hero. Little boys want to grow up to be like you, their mothers just want to be with you. That's the simple truth, and the longer we can sustain that image, the longer this place survives."

"For what? The Kaiju are _gone_. Why are you still hanging on to all of this? They stole so much of our lives, isn't it time we started taking some back?"

 _I'm hanging on for the same reason you are,_ Herc thinks, gritting his teeth. "Is that what Sydney was about?" Herc folds his arms across his chest, an immediate and painful reminder that it should have been him and not Stacker that was with Chuck at the end. "That's what you want to do with your time?"

"Wow, you really don't get it. What I did in Sydney is my business, it has nothing to do with the press, or PR, or anyone else, so thank you for _dealing_ with it, but you really had no need or right to do that. I came here to-" Raleigh shakes his head, turning for the door. "It doesn't matter. Are we done here, Marshall?"

Herc wants to say something, something barbed and uncalled for, but he bites his tongue at the last second and just nods. "We're done here. I'll see you and Mako later."

\+ + + + + + + 

"He's beautiful, isn't he?" Mako appears at Herc's side, smiling and more self-assured than she ever was. Her eyes widen when Herc looks across the room to where Raleigh's lining up shots for some sort of idiotic competition with one of the guys from Engineering. "Charlie Echo, Marshall."

Herc tilts his head. "I knew you didn't mean him." He turns back and looks up - and up - at the latest, greatest and very last Jaeger to ever be built. He knows what the name means, but he refuses to acknowledge it aloud. "It's a giant, expensive ornament. Money would've been better spent getting things rebuilt, quicker. A new bridge in Sydney is great, but what about-" He's stopped from ranting by Mako's elbow in his ribs, keeps looking because she is, and she's so reverent that in the end he can't help but agree. Charlie Echo is almost three hundred feet of mechanical beauty and power, standing silent at the other side of the hangar, never to be used in battle. In spite of that knowledge, Herc has this intense itch to pilot the Jaeger. Take him for a joyride, basically. But he belongs to Mako and Raleigh, and even if he didn't, Herc no longer has a co-pilot.

"Yes," he finally says, unable to keep the wistful tone from his voice. "He is."

"Will you come back to the party?"

"I will. Not yet." He hugs her gently to his side, not sure why she lets him, or why she leans up and kisses his cheek. It's nice, though. Affection's been a rare commodity in his life for far too many years, so it's good. So he ignores the whispered 'sorry' when she steps away, and just lets her go.

Alone, he walks further out towards the silent Jaeger, trying to imagine how much differently things might have gone if they'd had an entire fleet like this one at the start of the war, instead of at the end of it. There is an idea, though. Just starting to form, as he considers Charlie's capabilities. Certainly something to think about some more.

He stops halfway up a flight of steps and sits, the noise of the party far enough away that he can imagine he's somewhere else. Images that he would catch all the time in the drift, washed out and disjointed like snapshots in the wind. Chuck's first steps, Angela laughing at something, picking up Max when he was just a puppy, saying goodbye to his son. He scrubs his hand down his face, and turns to look at Charlie Echo again. Parts of the Jaeger are cast in shadow, and it's almost eerie how alive the thing looks already.

"This seat taken?"

Herc shakes his head, starting to get up before a hand lands on his shoulder, forcing him back down. He'll allow Raleigh that, maybe put it down to the drink, but he does prise those fingers off him before he settles fully back onto the step.

"You're missing some pretty crazy stuff, sitting out here all by yourself." Raleigh smells like beer and tequila, reminding Herc of Friday nights with his squadron buddies, which were probably wilder than anything going on behind them now.

"I'm old enough to have got past all that," Herc huffs, then relents. "It's good for you, though. Gotta let loose once in a while."

"So should you."

"I'm fine, Raleigh." 

"Even about Sydney?" Raleigh's pushing him and he knows it, but he doesn't understand why.

"I don't give a shit about Sydney. Like you said, it's not my business."

"You know every time they write about me, I'm always the guy whose brother died? I wanted-" Raleigh swallows, scrubbing his hand over his face, and Herc almost feels sorry for him. "I wanted them to have something else."

"I thought you said they don't own you? You don't care, right?"

"I own who I am. And I'm more than Yancy's brother."

Herc thinks back to the weeks after Chuck's death, and how the press treated him. How he felt like a hollowed out carcass by the time their attention waned, drifted to some bleeding heart celebrity who was on a mission to rebuild the world through the power of music or some crap. He was nothing more than a grieving father - or a heartless bastard, depending on the rag. "I guess I get that."

Raleigh hums assent, but doesn't say anything more about it. They look at Charlie Echo together for a while in silence, until Herc can't stand it any more. "You named him, didn't you?"

"I guess I thought one of us should honour Chuck, and you-"

"Fuck you." It surprises Herc, hearing those words come from his mouth, but not as much as it seems to catch Raleigh off guard. "I miss him, every day. The Kaiju took his whole life from him, everything he should have had from me, everything we should have been. I don't need to walk onto some talk show and wax lyrical about what a hero he was, I saw every facet every day. He was an ass with no respect for anything but Striker, but he was mine. So don't bloody dare tell me that I don't honour him. I'm here, Raleigh. I'm still here. Go back to your party."

\+ + + + + + + 

"You make him angry, you know."

Herc ducks back and out of sight, because for reasons he won't think too hard about, he knows they're talking about him.

"Good. He needs to get angry. That mild acceptance is just bullshit, anyway. Sorry."

He can imagine the expression on Mako's face, and he should really just turn around and go back the way that he came before someone sees him and wonders why he's eavesdropping.

"About the right things, yes."

"About anything. This place won't be around forever, eventually we'll all have to make our way back into the real world. We'll be okay, but him? I don't know, Mako."

Herc almost wants to march over there and tell Raleigh just how capable he is. He did plenty of other things before this life, he's pretty confident he'd be just fine.

He hears a little intake of breath, and before either of them can say a word, he walks away. He doesn't get far before Raleigh catches up to him and just that manages to make him feel the years between them.

"Herc, I'm-"

"Save it."

Raleigh takes hold of his arm, halting him in his tracks with a quick pull. He looks down at the hand on his bicep, and frowns, feeling weirdly uncertain what to make of it all. "Can we start over?" Raleigh asks.

"I'm your Marshall." Herc doesn't know why he says it, but Raleigh's hand drops, releasing him. 

"I thought we were friends, too," Raleigh says, sounding so hurt that Herc feels like he just kicked a damned puppy.

"I'm old enough to be your father," he growls.

"But you're not. And I'm not-" Raleigh bites down on his lip, looks at a point somewhere over Herc's shoulder.

"No, you're not. Was that all?" Why he can't just talk to Raleigh like a normal person, without letting everything else get in the way, Herc doesn't know. He likes the guy, always has done, so why can't he simply set Sydney aside and be nice?

"Why are you still so pissed at me?"

"I'm not," Herc mutters. He should probably look Raleigh in the eye, but it's impossible right now. He's telling the truth, but there's a part of him that's aching too much to just _look_ at the boy. _Man_ , a little voice tells him, and he sighs. "I just don't know what you want from me."

Raleigh pauses, like he's trying to decide something, then smiles. "Movie night. I'm making Mako watch the Rocky movies with me, you should come too. My room, seven tonight. Max likes popcorn, right?"

Herc can't help himself. "Where the hell did you get popcorn?"

"Open port, remember?" Raleigh smiles, and it's the look of hope that flashes across his expression that makes Herc relent and at least say that he'll think about it. A part of him knows it's a terrible idea, for about a dozen different reasons. But there's another part which realises Raleigh's making an effort, that maybe they're both lonely in this place, that Herc could really use a change of scenery and company that doesn't remind him of Chuck in such an immediate way.

\+ + + + + + + 

Herc might not admit it out loud, but it's been kind of nice to spend time outside of his own head. The movies give him something else to think about, and the soft banter here and there between Mako and Raleigh makes him feel comfortable, in spite of knowing how they see him. That he's a lost cause, that he can't even get angry enough about Chuck's death to really make some noise. And it's good, being with Raleigh and not wanting to throttle him for once. Maybe it's because they're just watching movies and not really talking. Or maybe he's finally getting over whatever it was that's been making him so angry.

Mako yawns for the fourth time in as many minutes, and Herc has to put a hand over his own mouth because it's contagious.

"Lightweights," Raleigh grumbles, pausing the movie. "You can go, you know. We can pick this up again another night."

"I'm good," Herc murmurs, looking across at Mako, who's already looking at him.

"I'm going to bed," she announces, getting up. "Enjoy the rest of your film."

"You're not getting out of it that easy, Mori. This is a classic!" Raleigh's words are lost on Mako, who's already closing the door behind her.

"I guess I should go too," Herc says, but Raleigh shakes his head. 

"It's Friday night. You must remember from your dim and distant youth what Friday nights were invented for."

"You're a cheeky shit, you know that?" Herc settles back down, and fixes his gaze on the screen again. But the picture doesn't change, and after a minute he starts to wonder if maybe Raleigh's fallen asleep at the controls. "Hey."

"Can we talk? Calmly."

"I guess that depends on what you have to say, doesn't it?" Apparently Herc can't do calmly yet. He'll get there, he imagines.

Raleigh gives him a strange half smile, and shifts position. "Would you ever pilot again?"

"I'm supposed to say no here, right? That it would be too much without Chuck, and there's nobody else I'd be as compatible with."

Raleigh nods, but presses on. "He wasn't always your co-pilot, was he? So would you?"

"Since it's completely theoretical, yes. Okay? I would, in a heartbeat. But I won't ever have to, so let's sweep that under the rug and move on, shall we? Who was that guy in Sydney?"

Raleigh laughs, and the sound of it makes Herc want to punch him, so he flattens his hands against his thighs instead, and doesn't join in the laughter.

"Just somebody I met. Does that make it better or worse?" Raleigh looks sidelong at him, so he just shrugs, and waits. "I was sitting alone in a bar, thinking about how I could count the last time I had sex in _years_ , and how pathetic that was, and I just wanted- Some connection, that's all."

"Connection isn't something you find with a stranger."

"We're all strangers to begin with, Herc," Raleigh points out.

"I just meant it takes time to-"

Raleigh nudges him, grinning. "I know. But that was it, that was all it was. A physical need, not much more. You must still remember what that's like, even at your age."

"Hey!"

"Old enough to be my father, remember?" Raleigh smirks, and it's annoying as hell, but Herc can't stop himself from smiling back.

"Yeah, I remember. And I remember sex, too, believe it or not. Only back in my day, it actually used to mean something." It's a low dig, and Herc isn't proud of it, but at the same time it makes him feel better.

Raleigh's expression softens, and he looks directly at Herc so that there's no escape from the next question. "Would you have been more or less pissed at me if I'd done it with a woman?"

"Jesus, Raleigh, I'm not... I'm not pissed at you, okay? Never really was. I lost my son to those monsters, and with Stacker gone I can feel Mako sometimes looking to me, and though you don't know it and to be honest I only just realised it myself - you're doing the same. And the things they said about you, like who you sleep with changes who you are, it just... fuck it. That's what pisses me off, because I couldn't stop it, can't protect you from it, and I know. I know you're not Chuck, but the way that you poke and prod at me reminds me of him and that pisses me off too. That you can be that like him, and yet-"

"Totally different. That didn't really answer my question, did it?"

"I think it did. I shouldn't..." Herc clears his throat, glances at the screen, Stallone's face in freeze frame. "I'm nobody to tell you what to do, Raleigh. Sleep with whoever you want to sleep with. You fought hard for the freedom the world's enjoying, you should enjoy it too."

"So should you. You know, I watched you after Mako and I came back from the breach. Did you even give yourself time to fall apart?"

"What makes you think I needed to?" 

" _Herc._ He was your son. You know how far and for how long I retreated after Yancy, right? You haven't had even a fraction of that time or space."

"So, that's what this is?" He's trying not to sound pissy, he really is, but he's no longer certain of his motivation for being here tonight. Or maybe he's pissed because he knows exactly why he came and he's - christ, Raleigh's still got years and years ahead of him. "Some kind of intervention?"

Raleigh gives him another one of those strange half smiles. "It's a prelude. I want you to relax with me, and Mako."

Herc lifts his empty beer bottle, studying it. He knows that Raleigh's still watching him, and it makes something in him surrender. "Few more of these, I'll be pretty relaxed I reckon."

"Good. Good, just don't get too relaxed. I'd kind of like my bed back at some point. And Herc?"

"Yeah." Herc looks at Raleigh's profile, has to look quickly away again.

"You're somebody to me, okay?"

\+ + + + + + + 

"Hey, Raleigh." The mess hall seems crowded, or maybe it's just that the tables are closer together, it's cosier and they no longer have to stagger their meals since there are less mouths to feed. Even so, Raleigh turns around when Herc calls his name, smiles and waves him over. He's sitting with Tendo, and the Levin brothers, a couple of techs from Canada who've been working on Charlie Echo.

"You good? Get enough sleep?" Raleigh asks, as Herc slips onto the end of the bench. He freezes for a moment, then nods, picking up his fork.

He'd fallen asleep on Raleigh's bed, too relaxed and too comfortable and he's sure that he's being looked at by the other three, sure that they know or are at least making ill-informed guesses and judging him. Or maybe he's just being paranoid.

"So, hey, Tendo was just saying there's an all you can eat place opened downtown and, get this, all of the dishes are named after different Kaiju. We have to go, right?"

"What?" Herc pokes at his eggs, still thinking about the night before, about Raleigh stretched out warm and comforting beside him, about-

"It's tacky, kind of tasteless, but... Or we can stay here. You can see the end of Rocky Four."

Now the others are definitely looking at him, and his neck is getting hot. "I'm pretty busy tonight, think I'll skip it. You can tell me how it was."

"Oh." Raleigh stares at him, but nods, picking another piece off his pancake that he drops back onto the plate with a frown. "I, uh. I should go find Mako. See you later, guys."

Herc watches him get up and go, and Tendo kicks him under the table.

"What the hell was that for?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Foot slipped."

\+ + + + + + + 

There are pictures on Herc's wall and he doesn't remember any more where half of them came from, or where he was when they were taken. There are several of Chuck when he was younger and still smiled, some of the two of them together, even one or two of Angela for when Herc needs to remind himself of his other greatest fuck-up.

There's one picture, in among all of the rest, that he _does_ remember. He picks it off the wall and sits at his desk, reaching for the glass still half full of last night's drink. He recalls Manila, Horizon Brave coming back in several pieces and the Kaiju that they hoped was the last, because they always hoped this time would be the last time. He remembers Yancy, too, and how the older Becket brother had sat in a bar with a girl on each arm while Raleigh kicked the ass of everyone who dared to challenge him at the pool table. Including Herc's. 

He presses the edges of the picture down and takes a sip, makes a face at the taste but has another sip all the same before he puts the glass back. 

"What the hell are you doing?" He scrubs at his jaw, picks up the photo and retreats across the room to his bed. Max is fast asleep beside it, and Herc's careful not to wake him as he climbs onto the mattress. "Jesus, you're pathetic." He breathes out, reaching for his belt.

 _You're crushing on a boy not much older than your own son._

It's ridiculous, and Herc knows it. Raleigh's extended the hand of friendship, and he just wants to take the whole arm. And the body it's attached to, and it doesn't make any sense to him, none at all. _Because it would be so much healthier to jerk off to a picture of your dead wife._

There's a knock at his door.

He tries to ignore it, because _shit_ , if that's Raleigh he's done for.

Two knocks. A third.

He stops short of pulling his pants off his hips, fastens them again instead, and his belt. "Better be important," he grumbles at Max, who's looking up lazily. He tucks the photo into his back pocket, and just as the fifth round of knocking starts, opens his door.

"Mako?" He looks down, startled as she puts her arms around him, sobbing. "What's wrong?"

She doesn't answer, only holds on tightly to him and he looks out into the corridor quickly before closing his door. "Are you hurt?" He feels her shake her head, and gently brings her across the room with him, not knowing what to do and at the same time trying to push Raleigh to the back of his mind.

It takes a while to calm her enough that she can speak, she sits beside him on the floor at the end of his bed, and looks at him with damp eyes. "I miss him," she says.

"I know. Me too." He knows they're talking about different people, but it doesn't seem to matter. She gives a small nod, and looks at him a moment longer before fixing her gaze on the floor. Max is cuddled up to her other side now, and Herc secretly thinks that the dog's much more of a comfort than he could be. "What is it, Mako?"

"Nothing bad," she whispers, reaching without looking for his hand. 

"Raleigh?"

"Raleigh?" There's a smile then that Herc can't decipher, and she shakes her head. "Raleigh is fine. He looks forward to Friday, again."

 _Movie night,_ Herc thinks. "Right. Me too. Mako-"

"I'm pregnant."

"Raleigh?" He asks again, feeling very suddenly out of his depth and knowing by the look on her face that was the dumbest thing he could have asked.

"No," she says, and now the tears are drying and she's smiling that strange smile again. "I love Raleigh, but not in that way. And you know he..." She trails off, and Herc squeezes her hand, trying to be reassuring. "I wanted to tell-"

"Stacker. That's what upset you, not finding out that you're... He would have been proud of you. For everything. Does-" Herc has a sudden recollection of holding Chuck for the first time, and finds himself blinking away tears as well. "Does the father know?"

"I will tell him tomorrow. But it isn't only that," Mako says, her eyes filling again. She rubs at them, and lifts Herc's hand to kiss his knuckles. It catches him off-guard, and he wonders how it is that he's somehow wearing Stacker's shoes now in more ways than he ever thought he would. 

"What else?"

"Charlie Echo's test run is in two weeks, we present him to the world press in three, and I know it's for publicity but I wanted so much to pilot him. How can I, like this?"

"I guess the press won't wait 'til the baby's born, huh?" Herc sighs, unable to imagine how Mako must be feeling. 

"You know what it takes to move a Jaeger. I can't risk-"

"I know. I won't ask you to. So what do we tell them?"

"The truth. That I am unable to pilot Charlie, so you are taking my place."

"Are you... What?" Herc stares at her, not sure that he heard her right.

"You are the most experienced pilot here, how can I ask anyone else?"

"I haven't put a suit on since the last time I went out with Chuck, honestly Mako I'm not sure I'm even strong enough any more." Physically, he knows that he can do it, but it's the rest of it. Plus the thought of drifting with Raleigh presents its own set of complications.

"Then you have two weeks to be strong enough. Please."

"Do I even have a choice?"

\+ + + + + + + 

"Hey, do you mind? You're putting a rut in my floor."

Herc looks up, realising how long he's been pacing for, and glances around to make sure Tendo's the only one who's noticed. "Mako wants me to co-pilot with Raleigh."

"I know. I heard Raleigh yelling about it when she told him. Good yelling, before you start wearing a path into the floor again."

"What?" Herc stares at Tendo, wondering what good yelling even _is_.

"I think he was happy for her? You know, like normal people usually are?"

Herc tilts his head. "I'm happy. You knew?"

Tendo laughs, leaning back against his desk. "I was the one who told her she's pregnant. Got a kind of sixth sense about certain things. Yeah, the doc confirmed it, but I knew. She told Raleigh yesterday. They both agreed she wouldn't be going out in Charlie, just like they both said it should be you. Which I'm totally in agreement with, by the way."

"I feel like I'm the last to know anything around here."

"No offense, but you spent a long time being not entirely talkative, Herc. So this is good. Raleigh's been yakking my ear off about how good it is, matter of fact. You should really-" Tendo stops short, and nods over Herc's shoulder. "Hey, brother."

"Tendo."

The two men exchange a look that once again leaves Herc feeling like he's missing something, and he tries to catch Tendo's eye, to get him to finish whatever he'd been about to say but Raleigh clears his throat and the moment's lost.

"I was looking for you," Raleigh says, after Tendo excuses himself. "It's Back to the Future night at Casa del Becket, we're starting in an hour. Unless you-"

"No. I'll be there. Want me to bring anything?" Jesus, the way Raleigh's whole face changes when he says he'll come. Does it really mean that much to him?

"Just yourself." Raleigh grins, and waves bye to Tendo on his way out.

"How do you not see that?" Tendo asks from across the room, and Herc just shrugs because honestly, he both knows and doesn't want to know what Tendo's talking about. "Jesus, Herc. Promise me now, if an opportunity presents itself that you want to take, don't hold back. Nobody's going to wait forever, not even on you."

"I'm leaving now."

"Yeah, good, give these tiles a break. Thank you. Have fun!"

\+ + + + + + + 

"I'm evicting him, seriously." Raleigh starts to make a move, but Mako stops him. "It's okay. I will take him for a walk. If you don't mind, Marshall?" She still can't quite get used to calling him Herc, though he's trying not to worry too much about it. He nods, and leans over the side of the bed to gently pat Max awake. The snoring comes to a grunting halt, and Max sniffs at his hand.

"Hey, fella. You feel like going for a walk?" One of Max's ears perks up at the word. "You be a good boy for Mako, okay?" He looks up at her. "You sure you don't mind?" Something's niggling at the back of his mind, but he ignores it. He trusts Max to behave, and he knows that Mako will take care of the dog, so it isn't that.

"Not at all. Come with me, Max."

Max seems reluctant to move at first, but after a while he gets up and plods happily after Mako. It makes Herc smile, that even Max is starting to come to terms with Chuck being gone.

"Alone again," Raleigh says, and Herc suddenly realises that's what the niggle was. Every time the three of them have been together, Mako's found one reason or another to leave early. "How 'bout another beer?"

Herc's throat feels dry, so he nods, reaching for the half empty case on the floor to his side. He passes a bottle to Raleigh, who cracks the top off against the bedstead and takes a long, slow drink. Herc watches him swallow, is still watching when Raleigh looks over at him.

"Maybe I should go."

"Why?" Raleigh asks, passing the bottle back for Herc to take a drink from. "Tired?"

He is, but he won't admit it just yet. He's been busy all day, getting himself back up to strength before he takes to the Kwoon with Raleigh tomorrow. "I'm fine and this has been great, but it's late and-"

"It's not that late, Herc. There's at least another hour 'til the dome turns into a pumpkin." Raleigh grins, and it's infuriating and endearing all at once, and it weakens all of Herc's carefully built resolve. _He's beautiful, isn't he?_ Mako had asked, and his eyes had sought Raleigh out with no hesitation. 

"I'm probably about to fuck all of this up," Herc says, because he's finally made up his mind.

"Huh?" 

"Yeah, this is probably a really-" He doesn't finish, leans to close the distance between them and puts the side of the bottle in his hand against Raleigh's cheek, turning it just a little more. His mouth lands on the edge of Raleigh's, he pushes with the bottle again until Raleigh's mouth is under his, quietly opening. He just rests there for a minute, his tongue barely moving, breathing the same air as Raleigh, wanting to touch but not knowing where to put his hands.

Raleigh takes the bottle from him, and he hears things bumping together on the nightstand, then a crash, and Raleigh mutters 'shit' against his mouth but he's smiling and it really doesn't matter. Herc gets a fist into the back of Raleigh's sweater, holds on so tight that he can feel the blood pulsing in his hand, looking for somewhere to go. 

Raleigh moves, turning in towards Herc, lifting his thigh to settle himself over Herc's lap. 

"Finally," he says, the word warm on Herc's cheek. 

"A terrible idea," Herc replies, rubbing his hand slowly against Raleigh's back and trying to think of anything other than the heat around his thighs. _I don't know what possessed me to do that._ " _Finally?_ What?"

"I have a better idea," Raleigh tells him, and Herc starts to go for his mouth again but is stopped by Raleigh stripping himself of his sweater and undershirt. They're tossed away and Raleigh leans to kiss Herc's shoulder, the side of his neck. "Thought it'd take you longer than this."

"What?" Herc asks again, confused.

"You're right, I guess six years is long enough. I saw the way you looked at me." Raleigh's voice is a soft tickle in the hair behind Herc's ear, making it hard to think straight. "Back then, but the time was never right, huh?" Curved over him, Raleigh kisses the back of his neck, and Herc's head tips forward and he wonders why Raleigh's okay with this, what the hell is happening and why he didn't just do this before Raleigh went off to Sydney because, damn, it feels good to be touched. To be kissed, and all the movement against his lap is sending the blood straight to his cock and he has no idea what to do with his own hands.

Raleigh's skin is right _there_ , pale gold and patterned with old scars, and all Herc can think about is that he should just keep kissing Raleigh because at least it's something he can't mess up. He groans, when Raleigh grinds down against him, lets his jaw fall slack and his head roll a little to the left to let Raleigh at his throat. It's hot, it's perfect, but beyond the kissing, he doesn't have a clue what he's doing.

"This is the first-" he begins, but Raleigh sucks at the tip of his ear and it just undoes something in him. He finally moves his hands off the bedsheets and curves them over Raleigh's ass, squeezing lightly.

"I know, and it's okay," Raleigh mutters, rocking into him again. "Is this good?"

"Better." He's a complete mess of nerves, moving his hands up to stroke Raleigh's biceps, to feel the scars under his palms. When Raleigh starts to move against him with a greater sense of purpose, he wraps both arms around broad shoulders and holds on, tightly. His cock feels thick and heavy with it all, and he realises how long it's been at the same time as he discovers how short a time it takes him now. His mouth is open but there's no sound when he comes, overwhelmed by everything; Raleigh's weight over him, the skin beneath his arms, his hands, Raleigh kissing everywhere that he can reach and Raleigh's hands on him, points of heat along his spine and fanned across his cheek, the insistent and unrelenting pressure against his cock. He blindly seeks out Raleigh's mouth until he can cover it, taste it, hide himself inside it and be there at the moment Raleigh hitches, shudders and bucks against him.

It's a long, lazy suck of a kiss, until Herc starts to itch and breaks it to look down between them. He's uncomfortable in his clothes, but it's too late now to think about taking them off.

"You okay?" Raleigh asks, his voice sounding a little thick.

"No," Herc says, quiet and not looking up. "I can't... Can't believe I did that."

"You wanted to." Raleigh sounds the tiniest bit unsure of himself, so Herc moves his thumb in a wide circle, tracing the scar beneath it. 

"What does this make me?" It's a stupid question to ask, Herc thinks, but he can't quite get past the whole fact of Raleigh being not just a guy, but so much younger than him.

"Are you kidding me? Do you hate this that much? Me?"

"No. I didn't, at all, I just... Dammit, Raleigh. It's what you do to me. I said no to going out with you and Tendo and everyone else because I want you to myself. I don't fucking trust myself around you, and yeah. I wanted to touch you and it scares me because I've never wanted it before, and I don't know what this changes."

"About you? Nothing, you're still the same Herc. A little bit damaged, but we all are here, and besides, _I_ wanted to. Will you please look at me?"

Herc lifts his eyes, and takes in the sight of Raleigh's flushed cheeks and slightly blown pupils. 

"I wanted to, Herc. Though... I did mean to go slower than that," Raleigh admits, abashed.

Herc starts to apologise, not sure exactly what Raleigh means, but he's stopped by another kiss that's warm and slow and doesn't end until his hand is buried in Raleigh's hair.

"Couldn't help myself. You... Do you want to stay?" Raleigh looks hopeful, and about as messed up as Herc feels, and just goddamn beautiful all at the same time.

"I'm not," Herc pauses, thinking of a hundred different reasons why this is a terrible idea. "Yeah, I do."

Raleigh eases off his lap gently, and pats his knee. "You can use the washroom first if you want. I promise not to look." Raleigh grins, and Herc feels kind of foolish for not even taking his shirt off. 

"Don't you want to?" He asks, and it's worth it for the look on Raleigh's face. He pushes himself up off the bed, already unzipping his pants on the way to the washroom. He still isn't sure what he's doing, exactly, or what else Raleigh expects from him. All he can do is hope that he does it right, because right now he feels the most alive he's felt since the last time he was in a Jaeger. Hell, more alive.

Raleigh comes over to lean on the doorframe, a clean pair of underwear in his hand. "I don't know how well they'll... I figure it's early to sleep completely naked together." He grins, almost shy, as if that's kind of a ridiculous statement after what they just did - which it is, Herc thinks. But he takes the underwear anyway, discarding his own to change into Raleigh's. He finally takes his shirt off as well, because it's warm and because he feels like Raleigh at least deserves to know what he's getting himself into.

"Hmm. Wow." Raleigh's still smiling, squeezing past him to get to the basin. "You'll stay the whole night, right?"

"Until you kick me out." Herc thinks for a second, and looks across the room. "Max-"

"He's fine with Mako. Trust me."

"Did she know about this?"

"What, my incredibly subtle plan to seduce you?" Raleigh looks up at Herc's reflection in the mirror, and winks.

Herc blinks, and watches him brush his teeth. "I feel like you've been trying to decide all this time whether you wanted me to punch you or kiss you. Why would you want to seduce me?"

Raleigh spits, laughing. "Yeah, well. I'm glad you chose the latter." He puts his toothbrush back, and Herc feels himself freeze when Raleigh reaches to hook a finger into the waistband of his boxers. "You look hot in those. You look hot in anything, but that's not why I wanted you. I guess a part of me didn't want you to shut down, either. I need you, Herc, we all do. I just- I have my selfish reasons, too."

"Yeah? What are they?" Herc doesn't even know why he asks, maybe he _is_ still hurting about Sydney - because he was kidding himself when he said he didn't care - or maybe he just needs to know that Raleigh's not just doing this for fun. 

Raleigh pulls Herc closer to him, pressing small kisses to his collarbone. "I've had a crush on you since Manila," he admits, his voice a rumbling warmth on Herc's skin. "Since I saw you fight, and since the way that you looked at me when me and Yancy were leaving. I've held it in check for a long time, and I thought when the war was done, maybe then. But- I couldn't, not after Chuck died." Herc stiffens, and Raleigh kisses his shoulder, trying to soothe an invisible and unlocatable hurt. "The guy in Sydney was a mistake. Afterwards, I just... I lay there and thought, fuck, I wanted to go back to the start and call you instead." There's pain there, in the way Raleigh says that, something Herc knows there's more to, but he doesn't yet have the courage to ask.

Raleigh seems to push it aside, and smiles at a point just below Herc's eyes. "I know that I couldn't have gotten here without that night. It made me realise that nobody else was going to be good like I knew you would be, nobody else would be enough, and when I came home and you-" Raleigh laughs in a way that sounds raw with something he's not saying, and looks up at Herc. "Man, you were jealous as hell, and that was exactly what I needed. To know for sure that I wasn't the only one. That was how I knew this would work. Seducing you."

"I wasn't jealous, I-"

"Oh, come on. You were practically hulking out you were so green!" Raleigh's grinning in this infuriating way, but Herc can't argue with him because the damned boy is right. "You kept bringing Sydney up, you reminded me _several_ times that you're old enough to be my Dad, like that's something I really needed to take into consideration before anything else happened. It's good that I can read past all the mixed signals, huh? I know you're confused, and that's okay. I was, my first time. But Herc, if you want me and it feels good, you've got me. And it does, doesn't it?"

Herc feels a little shiver go through him, and takes hold of Raleigh's hand, pulling it up to his mouth. He considers kissing Raleigh's knuckles, instead opens his mouth over Raleigh's thumb, sucking hungrily along its edge.

"Shit," Raleigh whispers, his voice rough and his body leaning into Herc's.

"You talk way too much," Herc tells him. He pulls Raleigh back towards the bed, and they're kissing again as they fall back onto it. It's hot and heavy at first, but Herc isn't sure where he wants to go with it and so softens, eases up. "It's late," he says, hushed.

"I know. Don't think you're going anywhere."

"I'm not. This is-"

"Better than sleeping alone, huh?"

"Not the only reason I'm here, Raleigh." Herc kisses Raleigh's sleepy smile, curls around him in what he realises afterwards is a protective way, and keeps kissing his shoulder now and then. 

Herc stays awake for a long time after Raleigh falls asleep in his arms. It's such a strange sensation, having him so close, feeling him breathe, and Herc doesn't want to miss a beat of it. If this is what taking his life back is going to entail, he'll figure out a way to take hold and not let go. He's got six years to make up for, after all. He should have done this sooner, should have opened his eyes a little wider. How could he be more afraid of this than of facing a Kaiju?


	2. Here In My Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having grown closer still, Herc confides something in Raleigh that he's never told anyone else.

It takes Herc a second when he wakes up to adjust to where he is and the warm body half beneath his own.

"Hey," Raleigh says, soft and touching Herc's hair. "You okay?"

He'd been dreaming, he remembers, and they weren't good. He wonders how long Raleigh's been awake for, and if he's been watching the whole time.

"Yeah. Morning." It doesn't sound convincing even to his ears, but somehow it slides.

"Still can't believe Mako's going to be a mom," Raleigh murmurs, shuffling further under Herc. "Not sure she can either. Hey, you wanna fool around before we head out?"

"Fool around how?" Herc's eyes close when Raleigh leans up and kisses his jaw. His hands follow the curve of Raleigh's ribs, and hold on while Raleigh lifts his leg to hook Herc's hip and draw him down, closer and tighter and it feels good in a way Herc doesn't want to end, but at the same time he's not sure how he's supposed to react.

"You're really tense, will you just relax? I'm not asking you... Not yet. Just loosen up about it."

"I'm sorry, I'm not used to waking up like this."

"Yeah? Well get used to it."

Herc's too surprised to say anything to that, almost topples off the bed when Raleigh reverses their positions. "Shit, warn me next time," he says, then groans when Raleigh rolls his hips. 

"Where's the fun in that? God, do you have any idea how hot you look right now?"

Herc shakes his head, embarrassed. "Don't. Can we just- It's been a weird week. I didn't expect to end up where I am, and I need this to move just a bit slower than it is. I don't-" Herc takes hold of Raleigh's arms, strokes his way to thick, strong shoulders. _You're built like Gipsy was,_ he thinks, distracted by Raleigh's skin. "I'm just new to this, and it's going to take me some time."

"I'm patient," Raleigh says, and kisses him, and it's soft like he really does give a damn that Herc's still confused as hell about how he got here, and where he's supposed to go next.

Still, he feels bereft when Raleigh gets up off him and goes towards the bathroom. He turns his head to watch the way Raleigh moves, thinking about how sparring with him might work and considering how long it's been since he's really put himself to the test.

"You coming?"

\+ + + + + + + 

Herc's stripped down to just his khakis, and feeling ridiculously self-conscious about it for reasons he can't put his finger on. Raleigh's seen him, all of him, but somehow this is different.

"You ready?" Raleigh asks, and Herc almost shakes his head no because he doesn't feel ready at all. Not for this, not for whatever the drift brings him, not for any of it.

"As I'll ever be," he says instead, and raises both hands in a defensive stance to begin. Raleigh's gentle with him at first, making good, precise thrusts with his knees that barely connect. Gentle, until Herc says, "you holding back on me, kid?"

Raleigh smirks, and somehow gets past Herc's right foot to sweep out his left, sending him sprawling. He grumbles, takes Raleigh's offered hand and pulls himself up, tempted to use his momentum against Raleigh. He steps away instead, and takes a step back in his own head to study Raleigh's posture, the smallest movements of his body, his eyes. When Raleigh goes for a straight kick, Herc's ready for it, jabbing his knee into the back of Raleigh's to put him off balance.

"Dirty," Raleigh comments, but he's clearly enjoying himself.

"I've fought nothing but Kaiju for years, why should it be clean?"

"You're right." Raleigh moves like he's going for another kick, and when Herc's attention is distracted with trying to block down low, delivers a jab that lands Herc on his back. Again. Christ, Raleigh's got some power behind him.

"You tell me when you're ready to throw it in." 

Herc pulls himself up again, his lip curling. "You think I'm done already? Just getting warmed up."

"Uh huh. Show me what you've got."

Herc's brow lifts, and he nods, accepting the challenge. Mako would definitely not like this, he thinks, because the rule book's sailing out of the window as Herc pulls on everything he's learnt in years of bar brawls, kickboxing, muay Thai and keeping his son in check and takes the opening Raleigh doesn't even realise he's giving to assault him with a barrage of barely restrained blows that bring him down to the mat, breathing hard.

"Yes," Herc says, standing over him. "I am holding back. We're sparring, I'm not about to knock you out."

"I get it. I'm strong, you're fast." Raleigh rolls onto his back, stares up at Herc, whose hands are still curled into tight fists. "Warmed up yet?" He laughs, getting to his feet so quickly that Herc doesn't have time to back off before he's sent to meet the mat for a third time by a move he didn't even see coming. "Maybe I got that the wrong way around," Raleigh says, and if his tone wasn't so light, it would be gloating.

They go back and forth for another hour, as many verbal jabs as physical, until finally Herc calls it an even match and offers out his hand. He doesn't even have time to react before Raleigh uses it to pull him close, kisses his mouth with a hunger that's as unrelenting as Herc's come to expect.

Raleigh's breathing hard when he moves his head back, looking down at Herc's body.

"I need a shower, I know," Herc says, before Raleigh can say a word.

"Huh. So do I, how about that?"

"You can keep your hands to yourself, I've got somewhere else to be. Drivesuit refit."

"Seriously, Herc? Fine, you owe me one. This was good though. We're good, right?"

"We are. Come by my room, later. I want you there tonight." _Where did that come from?_ "I mean. Shit, if you want. Unless you have plans, then it doesn't - another time."

Raleigh laughs and kisses the corner of Herc's mouth. "I'll be there, Herc. I want to."

\+ + + + + + + 

"Wow," Raleigh breathes, arcing a brow at Herc, who's watching him warily. "This is so much cooler than my pad."

"Your _pad?_ " That makes Herc smile, and laugh when Raleigh sticks out his tongue. But the nerves return the instant Raleigh stops looking at the posters on his walls and crosses the room towards him. He isn't even sure why he still gets so nervous; maybe it's because he keeps expecting this time to be the time that Raleigh asks him for more.

"What can I do to make you relax? Apart from what we were planning on doing anyway."

Herc starts to sweat as Raleigh pushes his thighs apart and steps between them, leaning down to kiss him before he can answer.

"It's just you and me, here. Tell me what you want."

"I never thought I'd be doing this. Not with you, not with any man. It's... It's still taking some adjusting to." Herc sighs, looking up at Raleigh. "I feel like I'm a teenager on the cusp of losing his virginity, that's what this is. You must remember what that felt like, you're younger than-"

"Shit," Raleigh mutters, cutting Herc off. "Are you seriously still hung up on that part? I don't care how old you are. And I will wait however long it takes for you to be comfortable with the fact that I'm a guy. I told you how patient I am, I think."

"I am okay with it, I'm just-"

"Let me finish. I'm happy to take this a step at a time, Herc. I'll throw something out there, you tell me if you're okay with it. Will that work for you?"

"Okay. Yeah, okay." Herc's staring at Raleigh's abdomen, at the muscles defined there, and thinks that he should probably tell Raleigh some of the thoughts going through his own head, soon. 

"Could you get my fly?" Raleigh asks, drawing Herc's hands from his hips to the button at the front of his pants.

Herc swallows, but nods. He unfastens the top button, and pulls slowly at the zipper until the pants loosen, and the glimpse of dark hair dries Herc's mouth out. Raleigh's studying him, completely silent, and the intense scrutiny sends a shiver down Herc's spine.

"What?" He asks, his hands loose on Raleigh's skin.

"Put me where you want me to be."

Herc blinks up at him, confused. Raleigh just curls his hands over Herc's and makes him hold on tighter.

"C'mon, Herc."

He understands; of course he does. He's just still stuck at not wanting to step out of place. But if it's what Raleigh wants, he'll do it. He pushes up off the bed, and turns them both, to ease Raleigh down onto the mattress. 

"You know I won't break, right?"

"I'm not going to start throwing you around, Raleigh. Is that what you were expecting?"

"No. God, no." Raleigh pauses, then leans back on one arm, strokes his hand down his chest towards his open pants. Herc groans at the sight, feeling wrecked, and he falls onto his knees on the bed, reaches to press his fingers between Raleigh's. "I've learnt to keep my expectations open," Raleigh adds, pulling his hand slowly free, leaving Herc to dip inside his pants instead.

Raleigh's cock is warm, the skin soft under Herc's palm. He draws it out slowly, giving it an experimental stroke from root to tip. Raleigh's moan is low, encouraging, but with a gentle warning. "Brought lube," he murmurs, dragging his eyes open to look up at Herc. "It'll make it easier."

"I know what it does," Herc says, his hand stilling to feel Raleigh's cock pulse. Raleigh's digging in his loose pants pocket meanwhile, coming up with a small packet of lube which he drops on the bed for Herc. 

"That feels good," Raleigh whispers, still watching him. "Hey, could you take them off?" He shoves a little at his pants, and Herc does the rest, relieving him of them entirely. Raleigh shivers and smiles. "Okay. Lube."

Herc nods, picking up the packet with his free hand and lifting it to his mouth to tear it open because he can't let go of Raleigh for a second. He squeezes the contents of the packet out over the head of Raleigh's cock, smears it down with his thumb, and watches Raleigh's gaze shutter on the next stroke. He uses his whole fist, twisting as he jerks Raleigh's cock, slow and sure. He remembers, when Raleigh catches at the curve of his jaw, to look up instead of just watching his own hand.

"Kiss me," Raleigh says, ragged and flushed, and Herc can deny him nothing. Leans to kiss his open mouth, pressing their tongues together and tasting the hitch of his breath when Herc drags his thumb across the tip of Raleigh's cock. He'd never thought he could want someone like this, never imagined himself in this position, but it fits. He knows Raleigh's close, and he's teasing on purpose, rubbing mercilessly around the head of Raleigh's cock before he hears a sound like begging and makes a circle of his fingers again, jerks Raleigh's cock with sure, determined strokes. Whatever else he might get wrong, at least Herc knows how to do this. Raleigh's hands flutter, fumbling through Herc's hair to fall to his shoulders, to hold on tight as Herc brings him steadily to a climax. "Mm, stop, I'm gonna... fuck, Herc..."

Herc pins Raleigh's thigh down with one of his knees, strokes him slick and fast and feels Raleigh lose control, feels him hitch and grab and come, hard. It's something else altogether; it makes Herc feel powerful, desired, all the things that Raleigh's been trying to tell him that he is. It's a feeling he hasn't known in a long time, and it threatens to overwhelm him. 

Raleigh's slow to unfurl again, and Herc goes down with him to the pillows, kissing his slack mouth and closed eyes.

"Good?" Herc asks, allowing himself this one small moment to feel completely self-satisfied. 

Raleigh laughs, flipping the bird in his general direction, and Herc presses in against his side, wondering where they go from here.

"Give me a minute. Then I'm blowing you." More laughter, as Herc makes a sound at the back of his throat that he's not sure he's ever made before. "What, you don't want my mouth on your-"

"Yes, fuck. Yeah, I do." What sort of fool would he be to _not_ want that?

"I think you should get naked too because this..." Raleigh looks down at them both. "Shit, this isn't fair."

"Okay. Okay, I will. I'll give you that minute, then I will."

"I'm regretting asking for it," Raleigh mutters, grinning and closing his eyes again as he stretches out, back arched and arms over his head. 

"You could ask me for anything, Raleigh." Herc feels silly, admitting that, but it's worth it to see heavy eyes come open again and focus on him. 

"I'll remember that. Minute's up." It's been nowhere close, but it doesn't matter. Herc wants Raleigh's mouth on him, and his body's saying the sooner the better.

It's only when he's sprawled out on the bed, his clothes somewhere on the floor and Raleigh kissing the inside of his thigh that he realises just what it is that he's asked for. He shifts, putting his elbow beneath him so he can see Raleigh, then wonders if he might have been better off staying put because honestly, the guy's going to kill him. He curses under his breath when Raleigh sucks at his sac, his fingers a light pressure on Herc's cock.

Raleigh hums a question, pulls his mouth away to look up and repeat it in words. "You alright?"

"Yeah."

"Feeling awesome?" Raleigh grins, and Herc reaches down, pushes two fingers over his bottom lip.

"Yeah, I am."

Raleigh doesn't reply, just sucks obscenely on Herc's fingers and strokes his cock. Herc can't take it for long before he's dragging his fingers free, pulling Raleigh up along his body to kiss him because something about that mouth just shatters him, every time.

It's a long few moments before Raleigh pulls away to look at Herc, and the gaze penetrates in ways Herc's not even sure the Drift can. "You trying to distract me, Marshall?" Raleigh asks, grinning. "'cause you don't get out of this that easy. And I know." Raleigh rubs his knee against Herc's balls, making him squirm. "I know you want to come."

Herc, to his own embarrassment and Raleigh's amusement, actually yelps when his cock is half swallowed in one swift movement. The sound turns guttural, a wet groan as Raleigh's mouth sinks further, as fingertips tease at Herc's sac with gentle pulls and strokes. Herc's had few blow jobs in his life, and he definitely never had one like this, he thinks. He lifts his arms, folding them over his face, his feet restless and pulling at the sheets.

Raleigh is relentless, warm hands pushing Herc's thighs further apart, mouth setting a steady pace on Herc's cock. The wet sound of it is all that Herc can hear past his own ragged breaths. He's overwhelmed by it all, Raleigh's lips, the fingers on his sac, those squeezing sporadically at his thigh, the heat of Raleigh's shoulder against his knee, the smell of his own skin and sweat. Everything crowds in on his senses, noisy and _too much_ until it flies apart and orgasm hits him out of nowhere and he reaches for - he doesn't even know what, finds nothing but rumpled sheets and the pillow beneath his head and clutches both while Raleigh pins his thighs and sucks on his cock like this was all he ever wanted. "Raleigh." Herc says it low and urgent, trying to pull away but getting nowhere because Raleigh won't let _up_ , and it's still too much to handle, too much, he can't breathe, "stop, fuck," and his body shudders, hard.

Raleigh keeps sucking on his cock even as it starts to soften and Herc can't take it, puts a hand down on his skin and digs his fingers in until Raleigh finally lets him go, lets him breathe and recover and collapse, weak and even more infatuated than he already was.

"That," Raleigh says, breathless and grinning and climbing the bed to straddle Herc's hips. "That." He laughs, and Herc opens heavy eyes to watch him, to make sure that he isn't the one being laughed at. "Yeah. I'm gonna be doing that again."

"I can't-"

"Not right _now._ " Raleigh laughs again, leaning to press his mouth against Herc's. It's a heavy, too hard kiss, and Herc pulls away from it first because it tastes like what's presumably him, his come, and it's too strange.

"You don't like it?"

"I don't... I don't know."

"It's okay. Between you and me, it's not my favourite flavour either. Herc," Raleigh says, softer. "There are no right or wrong answers here. Except to the question was that the most amazing blow job you ever had?" He grins, and Herc can't help himself, swats his ass lazily and smiles back. 

"I think you know."

"You realise I'm going all out to impress you, right? I don't want anyone else snatching you from under me."

Herc looks up at Raleigh, sees the truth of that statement in his eyes, and reaches to pull him down for a longer, deeper kiss, and finds it doesn't matter as much any more about the taste. "Don't worry," he mutters into Raleigh's ear.

"Can I stay?"

"Of course." Herc smoothes Raleigh's hair out, holds him in place to kiss him again. "Thank you. Sorry if I'm not supposed to say that, but..." He shrugs, watching Raleigh carefully. "Guess I'm old-fashioned."

"I like it."

\+ + + + + + + 

"What is that?" Raleigh asks, coming across the room to stand behind Herc. It's late, and he's hushed, and Herc almost tells him to go back to bed and get some rest. Instead he turns in his seat and puts his hand on Raleigh's waist, looks up at him and tightens his grip because it still feels like falling, sometimes.

"It's from my brother. Still not sure what to make of it."

"Your brother? The one that got kicked out of the program?"

"I'm pretty sure he's the only one I had, unless my mum was really good at hiding things." Herc frowns, pulling Raleigh closer and kissing his hip. "Can we not talk about him right now?"

"What's the letter say?" 

"Jesus, you're like Max with a bloody chew toy. It's not exactly a letter, and what it says makes no sense. Scott's kind of had a screw loose for a while, now- hey!"

Raleigh takes the postcard, turning it over and over again. "That's it? 'Are you ready, Hercules?'"

"Like I said." Herc takes the card back, tosses it on the desk and turns back to face Raleigh. "Forget about it, okay? His cryptic bullshit isn't worth it." He touches Raleigh's stomach, and leans to kiss the hard muscle, follows the ridges with his tongue. 

"Shit, what's gotten into you? Not complaining," Raleigh's fingers rake through Herc's hair, find a grip on the back of his neck and squeeze gently. "Come to bed."

Herc sucks at a point on Raleigh's hip, wondering the same thing. He kisses the flushed skin and leans back, wondering why he still lets Scott get to him so much. "I will. Go lie down, I'll be right there."

"Mm. Yes, sir." Raleigh grins, but it still takes him a second to move. Herc doesn't get up right away.

The truth is, Scott's card has him worried. Mostly _because_ of the loose screw, because Scott is capable of a lot of things and none of them are likely to be good. Inevitably, he replays their last drift over in his mind. Scott had been tense even before they suited up, but Herc had just put it down to the Kaiju they were heading out to face being so worryingly close to the city already. He hadn't expected to see what he'd seen, and it had knocked him sideways.

He still can't believe, even now, that he and Scott came from the same genes.

"Hey, are you coming?" Raleigh's voice jolts him back to the present, and he pushes away from the desk, crossing to the bed and settling his body down over Raleigh's.

"You look worried. Talk to me."

Herc nudges into the hand on his cheek, turning his head to kiss Raleigh's palm.

"Herc... What happened with Scott?"

"I thought we'd dropped that."

Raleigh sighs, looking him right in the eye. "You can't just keep it locked away for the rest of your life, because that sort of crap eats away at you from the inside. Tell me or don't tell me, but if you're worried I want to know why. I _do_ care about you, if I hadn't made that clear enough."

"You have. But Scott..." Herc grimaces, rubs at his temple and shakes his head. _Fine._ "We were always in competition, even when we were kids. Sometimes I think that's why Scott turned out like he did, he just took that streak a bit too far. Only wanted to win, hated to lose. I could always tell when he'd had a bad night at poker, because he was a complete arsehole for days after. Lashing out, mostly at me."

Herc eases off to lie at Raleigh's side, because somehow it's easier without those eyes watching him so intently.

"I forgave him because he was my brother, and part of me thought I could still somehow turn him around, make him a better person. I don't think I could've been more wrong."

"You can't blame yourself for how he turned out, Herc. We do our best, it's all we can do. It was up to him in the end, and if he wanted to change he would have, so don't beat yourself up that you didn't do enough because that's bull."

Herc closes his eyes, presses his mouth to Raleigh's shoulder and doesn't reply. 

"What happened in the drift?"

"It wasn't just me he hurt when he'd had a bad run," Herc says, feeling like all the air just left his body with those words. "There was a girl, Lucy. She was infatuated with him, God knows why."

"He hurt her?"

"Several times. I knew nothing about it, for a long time. It's not as though we were drifting together every single day. If I'd known earlier, I could've-"

"Hey, it's not your fault. I doubt Scott was shouting about what he was doing, you couldn't possibly have known."

Herc nods, gathering Raleigh against him. "I just... I felt sick, when I saw what he'd done to that poor girl. My little brother, Raleigh, fuck. That's not even the worst part."

Raleigh reaches up, touches Herc's brow, his own slightly furrowed. "You never told the PPDC everything, did you?"

"He was my brother. I wanted to - he should have gone to jail, but... I couldn't. Couldn't do that to him, even knowing what he'd done to Lucy. I've had to live with that, and sometimes I think I found it harder than he did."

"You're a better man, that's why."

Herc has to take a breath before responding to that, because otherwise he's going to snap at Raleigh, and it's completely undeserved. He's quiet when he _does_ answer, the anger still there but directed at himself. "No, I'm not. If I was a better man, I would have told them the whole damn story."

"Where is he now?"

"Back in Aus, I guess. From the postcard."

Raleigh shivers, huddling closer still. "What did he mean? Ready for what?"

"I might not have sent him to jail, but I did pretty much destroy his life. It was a hard, fast fall from glory for him, so I'm guessing he wants payback. I don't know how, but knowing Scott it'll be whatever hurts me the most."

Herc's hands are heavy on Raleigh with the weight of those words. 

"Hey, don't worry. I can take care of myself."

Herc nods, knowing that to be true enough. "You've got me, too. I wish... We won't know what Scott's got planned until it happens. I know that much. And if he even _tries_ to touch you..." He curls tighter around Raleigh, as if to make his point. Thinking about it all only makes him angry, and it's not even all directed at Scott.

"You'll break every bone in his body, I get it," Raleigh finishes for him, faintly amused.

"Only the important ones."

"And they say chivalry's dead." Raleigh smiles, lifting his hand to stroke fingertips through Herc's hair. He looks about as smitten as Herc feels, and all that Herc can do is hope Scott stays the hell away from them both. 

He's done talking about Scott, it's the most he's even _thought_ about his brother in a long time. Wrapped around Raleigh, he's pretty content, and it's easier to push Scott to the back of his mind and instead enjoy the fact of having Raleigh in his arms. _Where he belongs._


	3. battles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drifting, revealing, fighting. This chapter in a nutshell. Also I suck at battle scenes. But hey!

It's a week until Charlie Echo launches for the press, and Herc's spent more time in the Kwoon than out of it, and not as much time in Raleigh's bed or his own as he'd like. Mako comes to watch them spar sometimes, but mostly she's been with her mysterious beau, probably to avoid any reminder that it won't be her piloting the trial run next week. Herc isn't sure.

He's exhausted after four hours in the gym, and another three training with Raleigh, and he's not the only one. He knows that they have to be at peak condition even for a test flight because Charlie's just that bit bigger than Gipsy or Striker were and will take more handling, but he's still ready to throw it in for the day.

Unfortunately, there's a small team of techs waiting for him in the drivesuit room, and this evening he'll be engaging with Raleigh in their first neural handshake. Tendo's told them both about fifty times that they'll be fine together, it's like testing themselves out as well as Charlie, and Herc needs to relax about the whole thing. He takes a cold shower when they're done in the Kwoon - partly to wake himself up, partly because otherwise he'd be all over Raleigh right now and they definitely wouldn't make it to where they're supposed to be. 

In spite of the shower, he's sweating again by the time he's suited up and waiting in the connpod for Raleigh to join him. There are a dozen different things he should have told Raleigh already, before today. Things he shouldn't let Raleigh find out during the drift. But it's too late to do anything about it now.

He holds still while a tech secures him to the harness, sees Raleigh arrive and shoots him a faint smile. A couple of minutes pass and he hears the connpod hatch being closed, and knows there's no getting out of this now. He should say something, warn Raleigh somehow, but the words are stuck at the back of his throat.

"This is LOCCENT, confirming connpod drop in three..."

"Ready for this?"

"As I'll ever be, yeah."

There's a lurch as the pod drops, and Herc's whole body protests for a moment until he closes his eyes and just goes with it. He wonders how Charlie will look from the outside, core lit up and body in motion, knows that he'll find out after the public launch next week, when he watches the news reels. There's a sort of warm familiarity about the AI's voice, telling them what he knows comes next. In spite of that, he still doesn't feel ready for the handshake, it hits him like a freight train when it comes and it's like taking a step backwards and sideways and forwards all at the same time. Everything gets brighter, more immediate but at the same time further away. 

The most obvious memories flash by first; Raleigh's skin in the shower, meeting him in Manila, Chuck trying to deck him, fighting Kaiju together, then there's something else that catches Herc's attention. He knows not to latch onto it, but that one flash almost makes him want to. But then Raleigh's mind has moved swiftly on, Max making his presence known on the bed between them yesterday, the Shatterdome at night and a feeling of calm quiet. Eventually things even out, and Herc focuses again, back in the cockpit, completely in sync with Raleigh and ready to calibrate for complete control of Charlie Echo.

"We're talking, later." Raleigh says, and Herc just nods. There's no hope of hiding something that's right at the forefront of his mind, and Raleigh knows every single thing going through it right now. He knows that his own wounds are laid bare for Raleigh too, and he wonders if they're even going to make it out of the bay intact.

Together they flex Charlie's hands, test the control of the cannons mounted on each of his shoulders, as far as aiming them at least. One-eighty range each side, effectively covering all angles front and back. Herc would have killed to have had something like this when there were still Kaiju to fight. 

"Striker did us all proud," Raleigh reminds him, and he's right. "Hey, Tendo, how are we looking?"

"Looking good, brother. Looking good. One fine Jaeger you got there. Ready to breathe some fresh air?"

"Get us out there."

The pacific is strangely calm, the sun just starting to set. Herc brings up the view outside, wanting to see Charlie's arms when he and Raleigh move them, so he can make sure they're in perfect alignment, even though there's no reason for them not to be. "Ever seen the harbour looking like that?"

"You need to get out more, Herc, seriously. The dome's our home for now, not a prison."

 _It's all I've known for a long time._

"When the publicity stunt is over next week, we're going on vacation. You ready for this?"

Herc knows without asking what Raleigh means, and nods, thrusting his left hand forward. _Beautiful._ He has to agree with Raleigh. Charlie might be an overpriced back-up plan, but he's an incredible feat of Jaeger technology. More agile than previous models, better equipped as far as weapons systems go, and just-

"Awesome," Raleigh finishes the thought for him. 

It's almost too intimate, being completely unable to regulate his thoughts, knowing everything that's going through Raleigh's head. More intimate than sex, and they haven't even gotten to that stage yet. 

"I'm patient," Raleigh reminds him, and he doesn't have a response. He just knows that Raleigh's going to have to prove that statement, because as much as he wants it, he was completely serious about going slow. _Hey, Herc, how about this move?_

Together they have Charlie executing an impressive sweeping kick. "Holy shit!" Raleigh whoops, and Herc feels his excitement like sparks going off in his brain. Walking Charlie further out, they run through an extensive but not exhaustive checklist of his various capabilities, and Raleigh's grinning by the end of it. "How do we look now, Tendo? Still good?"

"Like a kid in a candy store," Tendo's voice says, amused. "Okay, I'm pretty sure whatever network has a chopper at their disposal is scrambling to get here right now for the ultimate scoop, so think about heading home."

" _Mo-om. _Five more minutes?"__

__"Make it two," Tendo says, though he's laughing. Raleigh lifts his hand, and Herc knows what he's doing. "Charlie Echo, this is LOCCENT again. That is not an appropriate gesture."_ _

__Herc grins, but the amusement is short-lived because Raleigh still wants to talk when they get back to base, and he's surrendering the memory Herc tried to see during the handshake and, yeah. Herc's got questions of his own after that._ _

____

\+ + + + + + + 

Herc shakes off the techs who are trying to remove his drivesuit, because Raleigh's more important to him right now. A path clears ahead of him as he walks, and he wonders just how murderous he looks, knowing what he knows. Raleigh's already in Herc's room when he gets there, three of his drawers upturned and emptied onto the floor. He doesn't ask, not yet, not when it's Raleigh's question to voice. He has other things he needs answers to.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He hauls the door closed behind him, watches Raleigh's expression change.

"What would you have done? It doesn't matter any more, it's too late." Raleigh looks tired, and about as beat up as Herc feels. "I'm sorry. I wish you hadn't seen that."

"Bullshit, you knew I would." Herc rubs at his jaw, feeling stuck, like if he tries to move on his own right now he'll make it two paces before he flies apart into a hundred different pieces. "Come here?"

Raleigh looks up at him and, after a beat that stretches out too long and too far, gets up and crosses the room, stopping when he's toe to toe with Herc but not looking him in the eye. He takes a deep breath, and steps into the warm wrap of Herc's arms, like he needs it just the same as Herc does. Drifting together has made them both vulnerable, Herc thinks, and one of them needs to be strong. It's easier for him in the end to channel his anger over Raleigh's hurt and his own weakness and turn it into something else.

"It wasn't a mistake," Herc reassures him. "The drift. We needed it." It's not so easy for him to explain everything, to lay his soul bare in words for Raleigh to unravel and pick his way through. But he thinks he says enough. "I'm here now. You've got to trust me, please."

"You really think Scott will hurt us, don't you?" Raleigh lifts his head, searching Herc's eyes for something.

"Scott's... tenacious. Yeah. Can we-" Herc kisses Raleigh's jaw, looking for an escape route. "We'll talk later. Figure this out." 

"No, not later. Herc." Raleigh waits, and eventually Herc looks at him, grim. "I guess we were both blind."

"Yeah," Herc agrees, "I guess so. You know if I ever meet that guy, I'll fuckin'-"

"My hero," Raleigh interrupts, almost smiling. "I went with him, Herc. I was lonely and wishing you'd come to Sydney with us, and so I went with the first guy who showed any interest. Shouldn't have done it but I did, and I can't blame anyone else for what happened."

"That's crap and you know it." Fury's curling like smoke up Herc's spine, the whole thing reminding him of Scott, and he has to tell himself to loosen his hold on Raleigh before he causes damage. "Nobody has any reason or excuse to _do_ that."

"It's okay. It's done, it's gone, and I know." The words are too quiet, and Herc knows that whatever else happened to Raleigh in that hotel room that he _didn't_ see, has left a permanent scar under his skin. It's far from done and gone, he knows that. But he can at least make sure that it never happens again, can't he? Make amends in some small way for what happened to Lucy? "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, okay?" Raleigh adds, looking up at him.

"You're safe with me," Herc tells him, fierce and close.

"I _know._ " Raleigh kisses his mouth, quick and hot, and settles into his arms, jaw set. "You flushed all of them, right?"

Herc nods, looking at his things still strewn across the floor. "You know I did." He couldn't keep anything from Raleigh either, especially not such an immediate and desperate memory. "You gave me a reason to live," he adds, simply. Because it really is that simple. He hasn't even thought about it since the first movie night with Raleigh and Mako, and he never intends to think about it again. He was in a dark place, he knows that now even if he couldn't see it at the time. Where Raleigh was waiting for him to yell and throw things, he was quietly fading instead. "And sorry, if that's too... It's the truth."

Raleigh closes his eyes, flexing his hands against Herc's chest. "What are we going to do about Scott?"

"I don't know. I don't know what he's planning, but if it's truly something, it's not going to be good. You know why he got kicked out of the PPDC. He's got a big old bone to pick with me, and he won't care who gets in the way."

"You telling me to watch my back?" 

Herc shakes his head, cupping Raleigh's jaw. "I'm telling you I've got your back."

Raleigh's lips curve, and he nuzzles at Herc's hand. "You're hot like this. Possessive."

Herc doesn't hear what he thinks Raleigh wants him to hear, still running too hot, wanting to fight or _something_. "I failed once, Raleigh, I won't do it again."

"You didn't _fail_ Chuck, Herc. If anyone did that it was me. None of us were prepared for-"

"I should've gone with him." It's the drift, Herc knows, taking its toll. They needed it, but it's left him feeling raw, and it needs to go somewhere, he needs more than words to work through this.

"But you couldn't. We were at war, Herc. You can't blame yourself for the Kaiju, or any of it, and Chuck knew that you loved him. You know that."

Herc nods, thinking maybe Raleigh's the one being strong here, not him. 

"I'll give you a reason to live every day for the rest of your life, if that's what it takes. Today, Herc?" Raleigh pulls back, takes a step away, his fingers slipping between Herc's, hand curving to hold on. "Today you're alive because Chuck would fucking kick your ass if you gave this up."

Herc can't help the surprised bark of laughter, nor the tears that finally come along with it. He nods, unable to speak but knowing that Raleigh's right.

Raleigh waits him out, eventually kissing his damp eyes, stroking the tears from his cheeks. _I don't deserve you,_ Herc almost says, lowering his hand to Raleigh's waist. 

"Come to bed, okay? Rest. I'll be here in the morning with reason number two." Raleigh winks, and somehow through everything that threatens to pull Herc under, he knows that standing in front of him is his lifeline, and that he wasn't lying. Raleigh alone is enough reason to live.

"I should..." Herc looks down at the suit he's still wearing, gives himself a mental shake to stop from really _crying_ , because he's given so much of himself up already that he just can't let go of anything else. Not right now, not for himself and not even for Raleigh. "I should get out of this suit."

Raleigh looks, too. For a lot longer, in fact. "I guess. This time, you should. Because if you don't, I might-"

"I get the picture."

\+ + + + + + + 

"Hey, one more for luck." Raleigh puts his gloved hand to the back of Herc's head and pulls him in, kisses him quickly. 

"You too," Herc says, giving Mako a smile when she rounds the corner and beckons to them. "Already?"

"Yes. Are you ready for this? Both of you?" She looks between them, and Herc can hear already the excited buzz, the drone of reporters running through their links, and he knows it's going to be like walking into a zoo when he heads out there. Today marks Charlie's first proper outing after last week's trial of a trial run. He's spent the week torn between worrying about what Scott's got planned for him, worrying about how Mako's going to deal with the news of her pregnancy finally going completely public, and worrying about the limits of Raleigh's patience with him. He's spent a lot of time in the gym - a _lot_ \- because it's the one thing that takes his mind off everything else.

"See you in the connpod," Raleigh says, squeezing the back of his neck again, gentle. "Thank you for... you know."

 _Not making you go out there as well?_ Herc nods, and Raleigh holds onto him for just a moment longer.

"Just walk away if it's too much, okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine, Raleigh." _I don't deserve you._

Even after a deep breath, Herc isn't prepared for the mayhem of question after question being fired at him as soon as he's on the floor, and is glad for whoever it is that barks at them to get back and form an orderly line.

"Do you really think that there's a need these days for an active Jaeger, Marshall?"

"We didn't think there was the first time the Kaiju attacked, and look where that got us." Herc doesn't want to be here, doing this. Hell, if he's honest he'd much rather still be in bed, watching Raleigh lose it all over again.

"Are you expecting them to return?"

"I'm hoping like hell we never see anything like that again. It just doesn't hurt to be prepared."

"Marhsall Hansen, is it true that Charlie Echo is named after your son?"

"I couldn't comment; it wasn't me who named him."

"How do you feel about a new Jaeger being operational-" "What do you think went through Chuck's head when he was-" "Do you still regret not being there with-" "Is Raleigh Becket really gay?" "Why isn't Mako Mori co-piloting today?"

Herc's saviour steps in again, herding the reporters back several feet. "Hey! I _said_ , an orderly line. Give the Marshall some space, will ya?"

They're making up for lost time, Herc realises. He'd refused to give any interviews after the breach was sealed, and he was lucky enough that Mako and Raleigh took the spotlight off him. But now he's right here in front of them and they want to see his pain laid bare before they get what they truly came here for.

"I can't do this," he says to no-one, feeling like he'll crumble any second. They're still firing questions at him even as he walks away.

Raleigh looks at him with a grim smile when he stalks through the connpod hatch. "Vultures, huh?"

"Yeah. Can't we accidentally step on them like the roaches they are?"

Raleigh laughs, shaking his head. "Yeah, not sure that'd make for a good headline. Ready?"

"I think so, yeah. Can we... Later, is it-"

"Herc?" Tendo's voice interrupts, and Herc would ignore it if it weren't for the urgent tone. "There's uh... A call."

"I can't take any calls right now, Choi. They can wait til we're back." Herc turns his attention back to the screens, hears the techs finish their work and leave. "Pod hatch is secure, what are we waiting for?"

"Sir, they are... _extremely_ insistent."

"What can I do about it? Can you patch it through?"

"Can do, Marshall. It's kinda- Weird."

There's laughter over the comm, the kind that sends icy shivers down Herc's spine, and he almost tells Tendo to hang up on the crazies, but then the laughter stops and it's just one voice, though it's distorted by something. "Time to put your Jaeger to the test, Hercules Hansen. Show the world why it needs another monster when all of the Kaiju are gone"

Herc's dimly aware of Tendo's voice in the background, of Raleigh looking at him, and his own voice sounds alien to him when he finds it again.

"What do you mean? What the hell are you talking about?"

The laughter comes again, and Herc _knows_ that it's Scott. Nobody else would call him by his full name. 

"What have you done, Scott?"

"Enough to make you fucking pay, big brother. A life for a life."

 _I've lost enough already, you asshole._ "If you want me, you know where I am. There's no need for anyone else to get hurt."

"You're right, I know exactly where you are. And I'm coming for you. I have _nothing_. And I have nothing to lose. All thanks to you, Herc."

"You could have lost a lot more."

"I'm supposed to be grateful for that? You condescending cunt. Drop your fucking Jaeger, let's see what it's made of." The line clicks, goes dead and Herc closes his eyes, knows that Raleigh's looking at him, waiting him out. 

"Tendo, anything on where that call was coming from?"

"I'm trying, got nothin' yet. Are we cancelling the run, Marshall?"

"Like hell," Raleigh says. "Connpod ready for drop, let's go Tendo."

"Hold it," Herc snaps. "Did you not hear what he said, Raleigh? He's coming now, today, with God knows what."

"I heard. And I know that Charlie's built to handle up to the equivalent of a category five Kaiju, so we're not running and hiding from anything. I tried that once, remember? Didn't work out too well."

Herc can feel his jaw tightening, is almost tempted to pull rank on Raleigh and shut this thing down. But he knows at the same time that Raleigh is right. If they don't go out there and face whatever's coming - even if it's nothing and his brother is full of shit - who will? There's a city full of innocents and they're the only two men in it who have a Jaeger at their disposal to protect them.

"Fine. Let's get this show on the road, Mr Choi."

"Hey, Herc," Raleigh says, and Herc looks over. "We'll be alright. I've got your back too."

The pod finally drops, and Herc barely catches his breath before the handshake's initiated and everything comes rushing in at him at once. It's a rougher ride than the first time somehow, but they make it through intact, Herc finally feeling like he can breathe again when it all evens out. Raleigh's a comforting presence, soothing the kinks out of his jumbled thoughts. 

"That thing you wanted, later? We can do that," Raleigh tells him, and Herc knows he's grinning over having found that thought so easily, the little asshole. 

"Gentlemen, ready to step outside?"

 _Into what,_ Herc wonders.

\+ + + + + + + 

Sunlight, at first, and choppers like flies around Charlie's head, recording every move the Jaeger makes, and Raleigh has fun with it while Herc's on quiet alert, waiting. It doesn't take long.

"Sir?" Tendo again, sounding nervous in a way that Herc really doesn't like because it takes a lot to unnerve Tendo. "There's a - Sorry, there are two Jaegers headed your way. Just picked them up coming out of the harbour."

"Repeat, please." Surely he didn't hear that right? Out of the harbour from _where?_

"You won't believe this..."

Herc swears, because now he can see them, and he knows the shape of these Jaegers, but it's impossible.

"Ronin and Horizon Brave," Raleigh mutters. "I think."

"They were destroyed," Herc says, knowing it's a dumb thing to say because so was Gipsy after Anchorage.

"I guess someone salvaged them. Tendo, can we get these choppers out of the way?"

"I'll do what I can. Sir, they're advancing to your location..."

If Tendo's feeding them any more information, he doesn't hear it; he knows why the Jaegers are here, and so does Raleigh. "Let's meet them halfway." It's damage control for the most part, but also Herc won't allow Scott to think that he's afraid.

"Where'd he find pilots for those two?"

"That's the thing about crazy arseholes, the world's full of them." Herc snarls, powering up weapons because he'd rather get the first hit in if he can. Two Jaegers, christ. Is that better or worse than a category five?

"We can do this," Raleigh says, with a certainty that Herc doesn't feel. "Stay with me, okay?"

"I'm with you." Herc takes a deep breath and lets Tendo's constant relay of information fade into the background, leaving him with nothing but the drift. Some of the choppers have dropped off, some have retreated to a safer distance, but there are still a few buzzing around Charlie's head. 

"They'll get out of the way soon enough," Raleigh assures him. Horizon's running for them now, followed closely by Ronin, and they bring Charlie's fists up, brace themselves for the impact. 

_No, it isn't a fair fight, but Scott never was into those._

Herc can feel Raleigh's grimace, both of them yelling when Horizon hits. Charlie's a mountain and sturdy enough, but they still feel it. He remembers that Horizon used to have a weak spot, but when they try to attack it, the other Jaeger's already responding, quicker than it ever was. Ronin's behind them now, slower but pounding the shit out of their right shoulder, and Raleigh curses.

"Fucking cannons, Herc!"

Herc swallows, swinging his elbow back to try and throw Ronin off, and Raleigh _knows_ why he's reluctant to fully engage the weapons but he has no choice. These Jaegers are hellbent on ripping Charlie to pieces, and Raleigh's as stubborn as Chuck was in the drift, _do it!_

He fires the cannons, and watches his display to see the hits, metal imploding, Ronin's connpod starting to seperate from her body. He wonders who the pilots are, whether he ever knew them, how the hell they got talked into doing this for Scott.

"It's them or us, shut him down, Herc."

"Damn it!" Charlie's knocked sideways by a heavy blow, and there's adrenalin coursing through Herc like a damn bushfire, out of control. 

"Shit. Shit! Lost my fucking cannons... Shit!" Raleigh's shaking his shoulder, like that'll make the cannons come back to life.

Horizon's pulling back for another hit, Ronin's blade is coming at them in a straight strike, and Herc knows Raleigh's doubts and he won't accept them. "Hey! I'm with you, so you bloody well stay with me. Firing cannons."

That at least gets Ronin off them again, the Jaeger crashing into the ocean, twisted and halfway to broken. 

_Are you seriously horny right now?_

Herc laughs, growling because now they're both on it, on the offensive, and a quick sweep of Charlie's right leg has Horizon going down, too. Raleigh knows they're capable of winning this fight and Herc's forgotten to panic about it not feeling right to take down another Jaeger. He smashes Charlie's fist into Ronin's connpod before the Jaeger's even made it all the way back onto her feet. She's shutting down, the pilots unable to maintain control, connections lost or severed, and Herc turns his attention with Raleigh back to Horizon. 

"Come on, Charlie," he says, blasting Horizon's left cryo cannon, while Raleigh tries to use the limited range he has left in Charlie's other arm to reach for the right cannon. 

"-hostile coming up on your left side, came out of nowhere, you hearing me out there?" Tendo again, his voice urgent and sudden over the comms, but neither of them reply.

Herc tears into Horizon's shoulder with Charlie's Sting-blades, pushing them deeper and deeper, the Jaeger impaled and unable to get free.

"Finish the bastard!"

"Firing cannons." Raleigh looks to the monitors as the cannons fire, and Herc hears _fuck!_ before something flashes hot and bright and he doesn't hear anything after that.


	4. so here we are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's left, after the dust settles.

Herc feels himself jerk awake before his eyes come open, blink, close again.

"Hey. Are you with us?"

"The hell happened?" He hears a voice, not his own. Maybe it is. "Raleigh."

"Horizon Brave and Tacit Ronin were destroyed, sir." 

That's not Raleigh, he thinks, and forces his eyes back open. Mako's standing there, behind Raleigh, her small hand on his shoulder. 

"We took a direct hit to the connpod," Raleigh says, and Herc feels his hand, the slow movement of his fingers. "Took out... Well. It was shot down, Herc. The chopper that attacked. I'm-"

"Where's Charlie?" 

"Raleigh had to disengage when you lost consciousness, Marshall. Charlie's okay, we got him back to the Shatterdome." Mako moves then, bends and kisses Herc's cheek. "I have to go, but I am glad you're okay."

"Never better," Herc mutters, watching her go. "Raleigh, talk to me."

"It was Scott, in the chopper. His- I'm sorry, Herc. They recovered his body from the water. Still working on identifying who the others were, but-"

"They're all dead, aren't they?" People, Herc thinks. There were people piloting those Jaegers, and he and Raleigh killed them all. Including his brother. He wants to cry, but he can't and he doesn't know what that makes him.

"We had to."

Herc leans back, still trying to figure out exactly what happened to him, and shouldn't that have been his first question? It was, wasn't it?

"Are _you_ okay, Raleigh?"

"I only had Charlie for a minute, I'm okay. Nothing broken."

Raleigh moves from his seat, leaning over to kiss Herc's mouth, and it hurts but it's so good that Herc doesn't say anything, just kisses back and lets Raleigh get whatever he needs to out of his system.

"I'm sorry." Herc closes his eyes again. _Said that already, maybe._

"Don't." Raleigh's still leaning over him, one hand on the pillow, the other stroking Herc's hair. "How could you know he'd do something like that? And don't say you were warned, because it's just not... We're fine, okay? You'll be fine, I'll take care of you."

"I need taking care of?"

"You have a broken foot."

"Wondered why it hurt."

Raleigh almost laughs, presses his grin against Herc's mouth again for another quick kiss. "Just means you can't run away from me."

"Never was. Raleigh."

"Yeah."

Herc stares into earnest blue eyes and shakes his head. "Can you get me out of here?"

"Right now? I think the doc'll want to see you first, and I'm not-"

"Then bring him in, I'll tell him I'm fine and we can leave. I'll even promise to come back for physio." Herc lifts his hand, touches Raleigh's cheek. "I want to be alone. With you. Get it?"

"Herc, your foot is _broken._ Snapped bone, the whole nine yards, I really don't think-"

"Fuck, will you just listen to me? I may be just a little bit high on whatever's dulling the pain, but I know what I want. And my foot might be broken but it's the only bit of me that is, do you understand?"

Raleigh's still smiling, presses his forehead to Herc's, and nods. "I'm sorry about your brother."

Herc curls his hand around, holding onto the scruff of Raleigh's neck. "You know, I want to be sorry, but I'm not. Should be, shouldn't I? Lost the last bit of family I had, and..." Herc swallows, thinking that over. "But he wasn't my brother for a long time. He tried to hurt you, Raleigh, not just you, he'd have kept going into the city if we hadn't... I knew he'd do something like this, it was always a matter of when, not if. He should have been thrown in jail, not just out of the Corps."

There's a knock on the door, and Herc starts to pull his hand away, but Raleigh reaches back, holds it in place. "Yeah, uh. They kinda know."

"Oh."

"I was kind of an asshole about being here with you." 

Herc grins, watching the nurse come in. "You were?"

"Shut up, Herc."

\+ + + + + + + 

It's another four days before Herc's release form gets signed, and he's a grumpy, pissed off mess when Raleigh picks him up. All he wants to do is go back to the Shatterdome, crawl into his own bed and listen to Raleigh lose it.

He's handsy on the ride back, and blames it on the drugs still in his system which amuses Raleigh no end.

"You're on bed rest when we get there," Raleigh tells him. "And I'm asking you to please take that seriously, or I'm taking you back to the hospital."

"Thought I was the Marshall here."

Raleigh looks at him, smiles. "Just take it easy, alright?"

"Fine. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I watched those guns tear through the arm of your harness, you would've been thrown across the connpod when the chopper crashed into us if your boot hadn't stuck and broken your foot. And I know how much it hurt, Herc, I was right there. When you blacked out and Charlie's neural load shifted, we shut it all down. We were dead in the water and I thought, fuck, if there's another Jaeger on its way, if he had another chopper... Yeah, Herc. I was scared, but we made it. So I'm alright."

"I meant, there are parallels, and-"

"I know. I had my sessions already. You'll have those, too," Raleigh says, giving him a pointed glance.

"Great."

" _Herc._ Promise me you'll use them. He was your brother once, it doesn't go away completely."

Herc sighs, irritable. "Kind of a bossy little twerp, aren't you?"

"It's one of my best qualities. Come on, we're here. Let's get you to your room." 

Herc wants to say something else, but as usual the words get stuck and after that they're inside, there are people every few steps welcoming him back, and it's too late to say anything. He's exhausted by the time Raleigh helps him down onto his bed, and it pisses him off that all he wants to do is sleep. He's dimly aware of Raleigh getting him comfortable, a kiss to the side of his mouth, Raleigh's hand on his chest, and at some point there's Max, up on the bed and licking Herc's shoulder, snuffling excitedly. He hears Raleigh talking to the dog, but after that there's nothing but sleep.

\+ + + + + + + 

Herc only goes to Scott's funeral because Raleigh asks him to. Otherwise he would've stayed locked in his quarters with a glass - hell, a bottle of the good stuff and toasted the good old days, when Scott had still been his baby brother. Before the fame and the feeling that they were invincible went to his head.

It isn't a pretty affair, a police cordon keeping the baying press out of the cemetery. There's nothing big or grand about the coffin, and Herc isn't even sure who was responsible for organising that or the simple headstone. He should give a shit, he knows that, but every time he thinks of Scott, all he can see is Lucy's face and two Jaegers charging at them, hellbent on taking him and Raleigh down along with Charlie and most of Hong Kong. 

He leans on his crutches, standing alone, though he knows that Raleigh and Mako are somewhere behind him, waiting. 

He stares at the grave, the earth in clumps on the coffin's lid, and grief just hits him out of nowhere. Not for Scott, because that little fuck did nothing to deserve his grief. It's for Chuck. For Stacker, the Kaidanovskys, the Weis, for Yancy. Every pilot who never got to have his or her body buried in the earth. Angela. Their friends, in Sydney. No graves, not there.

Raleigh comes to stand beside him, takes his weight, mindful of what he does with his body because people are still watching it all.

"Come on. Let's go."

Herc leans on Raleigh all the way back to the car.

"I'm sorry I made you do this," Raleigh says, pulling Herc against him once they're safely behind tinted glass. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's... I needed to. It was more than he deserved, that's all."

"Yeah."

\+ + + + + + + 

Herc leans on the crutch he's still using, and stares up at Charlie Echo. It's the first time he's come down to look at the Jaeger, and even though the repair work is well under way, he can see the extent of the damage.

"There were two of them, you know?" Mako appears at his side, looks up at him. "He will be fine."

"Guess he proved his worth. Mako, have you seen Raleigh?"

She looks to his side for a second, and smiles that same bloody enigmatic smile she had right before the first time Herc kissed Raleigh. "Not since this morning. How's your foot?"

Herc automatically looks down, and shrugs. "Doctors say it's healing well. It's taking long enough, though."

"The best virtue is patience," Mako says, smiling, and Herc isn't sure he agrees. Or maybe his is just running out. 

"How's the baby doing?"

"Tendo thinks it's a girl," Mako says, her eyes bright. "I asked not to know the sex until it comes, but I believe he's right."

"Treasure her," Herc tells her. "Or him." His own eyes are filling, and he looks back at Charlie, swallowing thickly. "If you see Raleigh-"

"I will tell him you wanted him. Sir... Herc?" Mako squeezes his arm until he looks at her. "You love him, don't you?"

He nods, unable to speak.

"I know it's not easy sometimes to be happy, after all that we've been through. We are lucky. Tell him."

"How can he not know?"

Mako rolls her eyes, and stands on her tiptoes to kiss Herc's cheek. "Of course he knows. But the words never hurt."

\+ + + + + + + 

Herc's at his desk, trying to work through his inbox some more - seems like every time he gets up to get a cup of coffee, three more items appear to replace the one he's managed to deal with - when Raleigh finally shows his face.

"Where the hell have you been? Why didn't you tell me where-"

"Busy. You were asleep when I left, I didn't want to wake you." Raleigh comes around his desk, leans against its edge. "You're supposed to be on medical leave."

"I can get around, there's nothing wrong with me." Herc looks back at the screen, irritated. Mostly with himself for jumping down Raleigh's throat, but still. Waking up to an empty bed doesn't do wonders for his brittle nerves.

"Uh huh. I don't care. That's why I've booked us a vacation. You need to get away from this place, and I'm sorry but the hospital doesn't count. So, leave this in somebody else's hands and come with me and no, I'm not taking 'I'm too busy' as an answer."

Herc knows he's been pretty abrasive lately, and he also knows that Raleigh's right. He's needed to get away from the Shatterdome for a long time, now. And of all the people who have tried to tell him so, Raleigh's the only one he knows he'll listen to. "You like telling me what to do, don't you?"

"What I'd like more is to be alone with you like we both want, a big comfy bed and some different weather when I wake up. Hong Kong's awesome, but there's somewhere else I'd rather be right now. You coming?"

"Right now?"

"I'll go pack. Don't be long, or I'm coming back to get you." Raleigh bends, and Herc meets him halfway, and it's a kiss which promises more than enough to persuade him to drop everything.

\+ + + + + + + 

"You know I thought you meant a beach, white sand, sun and surf. This is more snow than I've ever seen," Herc remarks, looking out of the window while Raleigh busies himself making a fire.

"You're disappointed?"

"No." Herc turns from the window, slowly navigating his way to the closest seat. "Not at all." He sits, watching Raleigh work. Okay, staring at his ass mostly, but it's been a while. "It's quiet. Thanks."

Raleigh smiles over his shoulder, and when he's done making the fire, pulls the guard into place and wipes his hands on his jeans. Herc pats the couch beside him, wishing he was just that bit more mobile. Even so, he barely lets Raleigh sit down before he starts kissing him, both hands holding on tight to hair that's grown out thick.

"Mm, hey," Raleigh murmurs, nuzzling his cheek as he pulls back. There's a beat where he just looks at Herc, searching for something though Herc doesn't ask what. "So, uh... The reason we're here. When we drifted, that last time, you had this... Idea. In your head. Firelight. You and me."

"Go ahead and laugh, I know I'm an old sap sometimes."

"Only sometimes," Raleigh agrees, his lips quirking. "But I told you we'd do it, and this seemed like kind of the perfect place, so. Here we are."

Herc swallows, and nods. "Here we are." He remembers what Mako told him, and he knows she's right. He should say the words that are burning his tongue before they turn to dust, he should. He will.

"We don't have to do it right now, Herc. But if you're ready... There's nothing stopping us."

It's kind of oddly sweet, and Herc nods, closes his eyes and nods again. "I want to." He can feel the warmth starting to spread from the fire already, or maybe it's just his body heating up at the thought of finally doing this with Raleigh. Either way, it's making him sweat, and when Raleigh starts to unbutton his shirt, the shiver's got nothing to do with the snow outside. 

The kisses to his chest are almost lazy, but Herc knows that it's just Raleigh taking his time simply because they have the time to take. There's nothing and nobody to interrupt them now - even Max was left in Mako's capable hands. So he enjoys it, the pleasant tingle under his skin where Raleigh's lips have been, and keeps stroking his hand through Raleigh's hair, under his collar.

He gets lost in the flames for a time, Raleigh nuzzling his stomach, working his jeans open to ease his hand inside. "Mm." He feels Raleigh smile against his skin and looks down, finds amusement and lust and feels it spike through him, too.

"Good?"

"What do you think?" Herc lifts a brow at him, tucks two fingers under Raleigh's chin. "Come up here."

He doesn't think he'll ever get tired of the taste of Raleigh's mouth, nor the way he puts everything into every single kiss. Raleigh's hand squeezes him, gently but it's enough. He pulls at a too-big sweater, frustrated that he can't put both of his feet to the floor for leverage to make this easier, somehow. "How-" Should he have asked this before, he wonders? "How are we doing this?"

Raleigh kisses him behind his ear, obligingly leaning away and lifting his arms for Herc to get the sweater out of the way. "I'll ride you," he says, and Herc's not sure but he might even be blushing a little bit. "I thought that would be... It's what you want, isn't it? Crap, I should've-"

"Sounds good to me," Herc assures him, "and we didn't need to talk about it, did we? You knew, must've known for a while."

"First time we drifted," Raleigh admits. "Maybe before then."

Herc lifts his left hand, presses the points of his fingertips to Raleigh's chest. "I was pretty lost there, wasn't I?"

"You were." Raleigh kisses his mouth and it's rough and raw and charged the way Herc wants it to be. "You aren't any more."

No, he isn't. Everything slows.

Herc feels Raleigh's skin pulse, a body stretched taut over a beating heart. Short fingernails across his scalp, another light touch on his stomach where Raleigh's wrist keeps brushing with each stroke. He resolutely doesn't feel his foot, just Raleigh's weight over him and the thick press of Raleigh's still trapped cock rubbing along his thigh.

The fire cracks and ticks, the couch beneath them creaks when Raleigh moves off it for a moment, clothes whisper as they're discarded and Herc's hands sound like sand on Raleigh's skin, but become damp with sweat when he closes them over Raleigh's hips. There's a dry taste on his tongue as he watches Raleigh open the bottle he'd brought over, and he meets Raleigh's eyes when one of his hands is lifted, fingers made slick.

"Go on," Raleigh says. "I trust you."

He nods, letting Raleigh guide him anyway because somehow it's better, better that Raleigh knows when it's coming and Herc watches his eyes flutter and roll, and he concentrates. He's still on the cusp, but he's more certain than he's ever been that the fall won't kill him.

He curls his tongue, and his chest hurts like he's been holding his breath for too long, and he hears a hushed, almost broken sound from Raleigh and feels the tightness around his finger just _give_. He _has_ been holding his breath; it rushes out of him and Raleigh catches half of it in his mouth, sucks at the curl of Herc's tongue and moans, loud. 

"Should I...?" Herc asks, when Raleigh stops kissing him to rest his chin on Herc's shoulder instead. He feels the answering nod, and moves his finger, and the way Raleigh feels around it makes his dick _ache._

"Another. Yeah." Raleigh swallows, his cheek against Herc's, and reaches back again to help Herc out. "Like that, like... oh. Fuck."

The fire's warmth is heady, Herc bites his lip and tastes salt, there's sweat pricking under his hair. He's in a world right now where the kaiju never existed, where nothing was ever lost, and the best thing about it is right here with him.

"Tell me when it's enough," he mutters, because he can't judge it, doesn't know how much Raleigh needs, not yet. He'll learn, he knows that.

"Almost. Feels good."

Raleigh's hand starts moving on his cock again, and he'd almost forgotten somehow that there's more. "Yeah." It's all that Raleigh says, and it's bitten into Herc's shoulder, licked over and kissed to keep it hidden and Herc gently draws his fingers free, waits again while Raleigh looks down between them and he almost says something but it doesn't matter. It doesn't, and Raleigh's hand is warm, sheathing him.

"I've wanted this," Raleigh tells him, serious because this moment matters the most to him, to Herc too. Maybe Herc could have fucked him in Manila, if he'd thought about why he looked at Raleigh too long sometimes, if he'd just _understood_ better. But it wouldn't have been like this. 

Raleigh doesn't break eye contact, and Herc finds himself wanting to avoid it, wanting not to be seen but there's nowhere to go and Raleigh already knows it all anyway, doesn't he? The drift stripped them both raw, all of their flaws in violent technicolour, and there's nowhere left to hide after that.

Herc's jaw strains, and he cradles the back of Raleigh's head, finds Raleigh's cock with his other hand and teases his thumb down its length as Raleigh just _impales_ himself. 

He hadn't been kidding about riding Herc, either. It's taken time to reach this point, but now time's been abandoned and Raleigh chews at Herc's mouth, heavy and fast on his cock, every twist of Herc's hand punctuated with a gasp almost lost under the sounds of the fire.

"It's good?" Herc asks, his voice sounding like someone else's even to his own ears, and Raleigh responds with meaningless syllables, his open mouth slipping to slide against Herc's shoulder instead. It's not the most romantic thing in the world, but it's him and it's Raleigh and silent snow beyond the windows and firelight making everything sleepy and hazy when Raleigh finally shudders and comes over Herc's fist. 

Raleigh's movements get lazy for a minute, before he remembers and picks up the pace, his hands on Herc's chest, the back of the couch, in Herc's hair until Herc's world narrows to a single blue point and he curls over, pressed hard against and into Raleigh, gasping and clinging in what he's sure aren't pretty ways.

"Fuck." It's breathless, and his nose is buried in Raleigh's armpit, his fingers clawing at skin, needing purchase.

"Damn," Raleigh agrees, and lifts Herc back, letting the world right itself again. Herc almost says 'no' when Raleigh shifts, finds his way or half his way off Herc's lap. "Ow, zipper."

Together they push Herc's jeans further off, enough that Raleigh has bare skin to lounge across instead, and Herc should care about the condom, shouldn't he? Should get rid of it, but he doesn't, not yet. Because Raleigh's settling where he belongs, fingers tracing ghostly scars across Herc's skin and Herc leans his head back and enjoys feeling like a God or something. 

"You're smug already." Raleigh's watching him with a smirk.

"Yeah, I am. Outlasted you, didn't I?"

Raleigh laughs, insisting it wasn't by much, and leans up to kiss him. "Give me a minute. Then I'm gonna clean us up and get some dinner on its way."

"Through the snow."

"They're used to it. I'm on vacation, I'm not cooking."

Herc smiles at him, touches his brow and just says it. "I'm kind of in love with you, you know?"

Raleigh nods and says nothing, just kisses Herc's cheek as he gets up. 

"Did I say something wrong?" He has to ask, as Raleigh goes about retrieving discarded clothes.

"No." 

"Are you sure?" Herc swallows when Raleigh leans towards him to take care of the condom. 

"I just... Wasn't expecting that. Wait. Let me get this, and don't. Don't fucking sit there panicking. I'll be right back."

Raleigh doesn't take long, comes back with a heavy quilt trailing from his arms and throws half of it over Herc, climbs under the other half and cuddles up to Herc's side. "You took me by surprise. I don't even know how that works, when I kind of knew anyway. Still."

"You don't mind?"

Raleigh's laugh comes out in a rush, and he curves his hand over Herc's knee, under the quilt. "The hell, do I mind? No, Herc. I have no objections to you being in love with me, and that's why, jesus. It's why I brought you here. Because it's part of this thing, you know? Taking care of you, giving you whatever you want of me, being with you because it's about a million times better than _not_ being with you, which blows by the way. So no, I don't mind."

"Oh. Good." _Eloquent_. "So food?"

\+ + + + + + + 

Herc watches snow falling outside the window, and lets the peace of it settle over him. He doesn't think they could get much further away from Hong Kong, and the knowledge that Raleigh's still sleeping in the other room only makes the whole picture more appealing. Dinner hadn't been anything more exotic than pizza, but when Raleigh started licking the sauce off his fingers, it became something else entirely. He grips the edge of the counter a little tighter, and decides it's high time Raleigh was awake, too.

He's halfway back with a mug of coffee when Raleigh appears in the doorway, smiling and rubbing at his eyes.

"You're supposed to be resting."

"It's your vacation too," Herc says, handing Raleigh the mug. "Reckon we might get snowed in, here."

"Shit. I only brought a dozen condoms," Raleigh says, going to look out at the snow with a grin.

"Wow, that's love right there. Hey." Herc makes his slow way over to where Raleigh's standing, catches his shoulder and pulls him back. 

"We can get out, no problem."

"I'm not worried about that. It's about this. Us." Herc closes his eyes, presses his mouth to Raleigh's shoulder to taste its warmth. "I want people to know. Not just Mako, or Tendo, or whichever nurse you fought with to be with me. I mean everyone."

"You sure about that? What about my image? The guy all the kids want to be and their moms just want to screw? Paraphrasing, but-"

"I know what I said, and okay. I admit it, I was wrong. The world's as free as it's ever going to get for the time being, and you helped it to be that way. So screw what anyone thinks, right? Nothing we have has come easy, so we should damn well make the most of it, not hide it away. You're not a dirty secret, Raleigh. Not to me."

Raleigh puts the mug down on the window sill and turns in Herc's arms. His brow quirks, and he grins. "I can be _pretty_ dirty, you know."

"Uh huh, and I'm being serious." Herc can't stop himself smiling though. 

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"We're staying here for three more days. After that, you can write it in the sky if you want."

Herc laughs. "I actually have a mate who can do that."

"Me and my big mouth. Whatever, I don't care. C'mere."

Herc starts to say something about the coffee going cold, but Raleigh's hands are roaming down his back, his mouth is pliant and encouraging, and all Herc wants is to go back to bed.

\+ + + + + + + 

"Hey," Raleigh says, pulling Herc's tie a little looser. "Try not to look like you hate this so much."

"I do hate it," Herc grumbles, looking in the mirror as Raleigh unfastens the top button of his shirt. 

"You know, even knowing what they know now, I still think every woman in that audience is going to want to fuck you."

"That's ridiculous."

"It's like you're the forbidden fruit. Look at yourself, who wouldn't want to hit that?"

Herc turns away from the mirror, narrowing his eyes. "How come only I have to wear a tie?"

"Remember how you said, 'we should go public?' So grin and bear it, it'll all be over soon and we can go home and you can put that tie to good use."

"As what, exactly?"

Raleigh kisses him, and brushes what Herc can only assume must be some excess air off his shirt collar. "Use your imagination."

"You trying to send me out there with a hard-on, Raleigh?"

"Now I'm looking forward to finding out what you're imagining." They both look up at a knock on the door. 

"Mr Hansen, Mr Becket, you're on in two minutes, could you come with me please?"

"This is it."

\+ + + + + + + 

Herc should've known it would happen, when Raleigh starts messing with his tie halfway through the interview. They're sitting so close that Raleigh's almost on his lap, and Herc daren't look at anything but the host's face. He's managed to mostly evade questions about Scott, and Raleigh hasn't referred to Chuck as a hero, and sure Herc got a lump in his throat when they mentioned his son's name, but he's okay. He's holding it together, or Raleigh's holding it for him. He isn't sure, he only knows that the sooner this is over, the better. Raleigh manages to steer the conversation away from dangerous waters, and Herc settles again.

"Where do you go from here? The PPDC have recalled all destroyed Jaegers or Jaeger parts, there's no longer a threat of further Kaiju attacks, what happens next?"

Raleigh glances at him, and nods. Might as well share their big idea. "We're actually planning our case right now to have the Shatterdome recommissioned as a Search and Rescue facility. We have half a dozen AW149s already stationed there, and Charlie Echo, we believe, would prove a valuable tool. The Jaegers have always been about saving lives, so it makes sense to take the whole thing in that direction."

"Will you be remaining there as its Commander, Herc?"

"Of course he will," Raleigh says. "And my co-pilot. Besides Mako, he's the only one I'd trust with Charlie."

"What's that like? Drifting with someone you're so intimate with?"

The audience whoops, and Herc looks out at them, ghostly faces in the darkness behind a bank of lights. "I think it's different every time. Last time wasn't exactly-"

"Normal," Raleigh finishes for him. "Things have changed since then. I think we know each other better now."

More whoops, and Herc feels Raleigh tugging gently at his tie, looks around at him. "Yeah," he says. "We do."

Raleigh smiles at that, leaning up to kiss Herc. It's too hot under the lights, and Herc feels light-headed with Raleigh's mouth on his, the audience cheering them on and it's _weird_. He pulls at his mic, wanting it off because he really doesn't want the world to hear. 

"We need to get out of here."

Raleigh leans back to look at him, and nods. "Are we done?" He doesn't wait for a reply, just takes Herc's hand and waves briefly to the audience, walking them both off the set. "Sorry," he says, shoving past whoever tries to block their path. "Duty calls."

Herc drops into the seat in their dressing room, puts his hand in Raleigh's shirt and pulls him down.

"I don't know what happened."

"It's okay. I have that effect."

Herc gives him a strained smile, shaking his head. "Yeah, you do. I'm sorry, though. Last time I did one of these things was..." _With Chuck. And they wanted to know the same things, what's it like drifting with your son?_

"You were great. They got what they wanted, so forget about it. Home?"

"Was that what that was? Giving them what _they_ wanted?"

Raleigh's face falls, and he shakes his head. "No. And you know that."

Feeling suddenly wrung out, Herc sags, his hands dropping. "Yeah, I know. Are you serious, Raleigh? Does Mako know?"

"Know what?" 

"Don't play dumb. You and me, co-pilots. Won't she want Charlie back after the baby's born?"

Raleigh pushes Herc's knees apart, stepping between them, and curves his hand to fit Herc's jaw. "You should talk to her more, you know that? Charlie is ours. Has been since we first took him out, and she's the one who said that, not me. Ask her."

"Ours." Herc doesn't say so, but he likes the way that sounds. "What makes you so sure I'll be fit to pilot him again?"

"Because _we_ fit."

Herc can't argue with that. They've had their moments together, sure, but every stumbling block they've hit has only ever ended up making them, as Raleigh put it, a better fit.

"We do." He strokes Raleigh's waist, pulling at the shirt that's tucked tight into his pants because it just isn't _Raleigh_ , not this look. Raleigh's helping him, and trying to pull loose his tie at the same time.

"Umm. You wanna-?"

"Yeah. Maybe in the car, though." He watches Raleigh swallow, and gets nothing but an urgent nod in response.

\+ + + + + + + 

"How many proposals today?" Raleigh asks, his chin coming to rest on Herc's shoulder. He sounds amused, and Herc can't blame him. He probably gets just as many as Herc, if not more.

"It's amazing how many people don't understand the concept of us being in a relationship." Herc shakes his head, leaning back to loop his arm around Raleigh's hips. "I guess eventually it'll sink in."

"Mm. Eventually. Oh, hey. I got you something." It's said casually, but the tension in Raleigh's body speaks of something more. Although considering that Raleigh's last gift to Herc was a bumper sticker that proclaimed 'if the Jaeger's rockin', don't come knockin'', it's hard to know what to expect.

"It's not exactly... Don't read too much into it, alright?"

"Okay..." _What did you do, Raleigh?_ "Tell me you've not had Charlie painted pink..."

Raleigh tilts his head. "No, but thanks for that one." He grins, fishing in his pocket, and Herc watches his hand like a hawk.

"You know it's not my birthday yet, don't you?"

"Will you please relax? Here." Raleigh presses a key into Herc's palm, and stares at it rather than meeting Herc's eyes. "The place we first-" He swallows, like the words are new to him. "Where we made love. Wow, that sounds... really lame."

"Kinda, but yes. I thought that was-"

"It was. I bought it. Because you looked so at home there, I thought maybe one day it could, uh. You know. And I was always saving for something, never knew what for until this happened, and now I can't even think about what I'd do if you weren't... Wow, I guess I'm turning it into a whole bigger deal than I thought."

"You bought us a house. Just a little gift," Herc teases, though his heart's somewhere in his throat. "Thank you, Raleigh." Is thank you even enough? He's been a sort of nomad for a long time, never really feeling settled in any one place, moving wherever the war took him. To have somewhere he'll call home, to know it'll be home for Raleigh too... To have had his life saved like it was, to be reminded that he still had whatever scrap of strength he needed to pull him through and that, when he didn't, he had a pretty big family to help. Herc really doesn't think thank you is enough. "So how much is too much for what I'm supposed to read into this?" His voice is tight, an endless instinct to at least _try_ to keep his emotions in check. Raleigh makes that difficult, and somehow he's even grateful for that.

Raleigh just smiles, and shrugs. "I love you, Herc. That's all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started to add more to this, but changed my mind. This felt a more natural place to finish, with Raleigh finally telling Herc exactly how he feels.
> 
> I think Herc came out stronger in the end, and Raleigh just always knew what he wanted and was prepared to wait as long as it took. I guess I like how this turned out. :) Thanks for reading.


End file.
